It’s back!

Another year has passed. With loads of excitement in store… People are already preparing for the big day and I can sense it all around me. The news about the unique way in which we celebrate this great day has reached the world. I’m saddened that tourists are not making a beeline to India to watch us celebrate!

Scouting for spots where couples tryst has already started. Stores selling related merchandise have been identified. Banners, effigies, stones, rotten tomatoes, mulatto cocktails, swords, and other miscellanies have been stocked.

Yes… Valentines day is just around the corner!

Unlike the rest of the world, we celebrate the V-day with V for venom. As an Indian, I vehemently oppose the concept of Valentines Day. It is against our culture. It corrupts our new generation. And I am not alone. With me are myriad political parties, student unions, and social activism groups. Our cadres have infiltrated into the varied strata of society and are sniffing out events, parties, activities that the supporters of this satanic feast are organizing.

I say it is a conspiracy of the imperialists to corrupt our culture. We have never heard of people falling in love. Never has it happened in our great nation. The Taj Mahal – a man’s greatest erection for a woman – is only an exception to this. And what is all this hype about buying diamonds, chocolates and cards? Have you ever heard of any Indian in our glorious past dothis?

You may ask why I am so bitter. The answer is – I will be away from the one I love this V-day. And with me are people who have failed in love, who never have (the courage to) express their love, senior citizens who are envious that this never happened in their age and time. If We can't enjoy this day, why should we let anyone else? And we are joined by self-righteous propagators of the ‘Indian Culture’ who have to do this just to get elected and people who abhor spending money on their loved ones.

So I ask you – Have you ever failed in love? Do women avoid you like the plague? Do you secretly envy couples that fall in love? Do you think it is against your religion (or your interpretation of it)? If yes, come join me in this fight to save our culture (that’s the in-thing and that's what we'll call it). We shall pelt stones and tomatoes at shops, scare away couples, and burn effigies (of whom? The media shall decide that). But caution – Let’s stay away from the bigger organizations like star hotels, TV channels, etc. ‘cos they have security and may retaliate. Let’s just stick to the defenseless people, as they are the ones who need to be taught our culture.

I am including links to present and past activities of our clans that have recieved acclaim from the media.

Exhibit 1 - International acclaim
Exhibit 2 – Regional support
Exhibit 3 – Blast from the past
Exhibit 4 – Sisters in arms

So, what say? Meet at 4 PM tomorrow outside 'Archies Gallery' with our stockpiles? We should be joined by bored MNS and BSP activists whose leaders have been arrested too! Political mileage for this noble cause? Wow! Nothing like it :)

P.S.: Pic courtesy Times of India

Added on Feb 18, 2008:

Oops! I did go to Hyderabad to be with my Valentine afterall... So, please dismiss this post as a load of bullcrap!