Rest In Peace, my MPX

Love me tender...

My beloved companion of three years, my Motorola MPX 220 Smartphone is fighting for its life. I made a tough decision to take it off life support today.

I knew she had to be mine the moment I saw her, a successful model in the US. A love story spanning continents. She was born in the USA, and me in Gods own country. She was sleek, sophisticated, and sensitive. I was (let’s leave that aside) and let's just say opposites attract.

The day she came to my life, she changed it. It was one of the first models to feature Windows Mobile™ 5.0. The activesync feature enabled it to sync with my PC and update all my appointments and contacts. Suddenly, I she was privy to every event in my life however minor (buy sugar) or major (anniversaries, birthdays)… She accompanied me on every trip and listened in to all my conversations.

Of course there were some (major) cultural differences. Like she couldn’t use the Indian electricity sockets, or the standard mini USB cables. But love transcends all boundaries. We decided we shall never part ways till… (sniff… sniff…)

I detected the early signs of illness when one day, out of the blue, she collapsed. I revived her (restarted) and this became an almost weekly chore to reboot (oops transfuse). Her condition only deteriorated from there on… She refused to communicate with anyone other than my virtual half (my office PC) and would not sync with any other. I accepted that as a part of her illness and moved on.

Then her condition took a turn for the worse… She refused to be charged by anything other than her data cable. Then she used to collapse unless on life support (charging) and her heart (battery) became feeble. But her brain (processor) was still sharp as ever. Never did I have to wait for her to tell me her secrets (data retrieval was lightning fast). I had to carry the cable wherever I was going and if I didn’t carry the notebook along, I had to plan my route to stop at places with PCs. And life went on…

Then one day I think she felt that she was becoming a burden on my mobility. With her hooked on, she almost became a desk phone. She decided to take her own life. She refused to charge using the data cable. I tried CPR (cold boot, hot boot, what not) and finally managed to twist her charger in a way that she could charge. But this morning she stopped responding to life support as well…

I shall be putting her to rest over the weekend and even though I may buy a new phone, I know it will never be as special as her. Adieu my love, we shall meet again in gadget heaven.

Crude and rude...

"Nobody fleecess you like the government, and you look to fleece the government like nobody else" - said a wise man (ahem) once.

As of today, an Indian in Mumbai pays about INR 55.88 per liter of petrol. The left parties, the only party that thinks in India, declared a bandh to protest this hike. How inventive! And why didn't anyone else think of that? Strike work and the prices come back to normal... simple, innit? But no, the big, bad government saw through their trick and refused to bring down the price. Why? This is what I'm trying to answer today.

Now, readers, please let me know if I'm going wrong. Chandu and I tried this once (incidentally when the crude price touched $100 a barrel) and were a bit embarrassed thinking we got it wrong...

For all calculations here, I am using market close data of June 6, 2008. That fateful day, the price of crude was $138.50 per barrel and the Dollar was trading for 42.89 Rupees.

On all days, 1 barrel = 31 gallons and 1 gallon = 3.7854118 liters. Therefore, 1 barrell = 117.347765 liters.

Now, on to the calculations:

1 barrel crude oil costs USD 138.50 or INR 5940.27 (138.50 * 42.89)

so, 1 liter crude oil costs INR 50.62 (5940.27 / 117.347765)

Depending on the purity of crude and the refining process used, you get anything ranging from 30% to 70%. (You get up to 70% if you use light crude and advanced catalytic or hydro or thermal cracking, alkylation, polymerization or what not.) So I'd be safe (and quick) to assume a yeild of about 50%. Which means if you buy 1 liter of crude, you get only 1/2 liter of petrol.

Thus, the 'cost' of 1 liter of pertol is INR 101.24

Now, add to this those delightful miscellanies that WE have to pay so happily each time we buy petrol (or anything for that matter) like VAT, custom for crude, custom for petrol, sales tax, octroi, education cess(!??!!) etc., and other stuff like dealer commission, transportation, and what do we have? The 'sell' price of around INR 150 per liter (this is being extremely optimistic and assuming only about a third of the duties and stuff..)

So, the government loses about INR 100 per liter of petrol sold at today's price! Well, let's put this into perspective. According to this study, in Delhi, with over 466 signalized intersections, 3,21,432 litres of Petrol is being burnt every day due to the idling of vehicles. So, the government spends INR 32 million (3.2 crore rupees) daily only on idling cars in Delhi. Another very optimistioc assumption I shall hazard here is that the whole nation consumes only 1000 times of the petrol that is 'idled' away in Delhi. That translates to a loss of about INR 32 billion (3,200 crore rupees) loss for the government in a day. And about INR 11,688 billion (11,68,800 crore rupees) a year! Whew...

Disturbing, isn't it? I sincerely hope I'm making some mistake in my calculations here... Someone please tell me I'm wrong...

Caste-ing (c)ouch!

The caste system that was prevalent in the Indian society granted different privileges to a person based oh their caste. This is similar to the path-breaking proposal earlier by your truly. So, it essentially meant that if you are a low caste, you can not drink from the same well, pray in the same temple, eat certain things, what not. So, one would naturally assume that being a low caste kinda sucked, right?

WRONG! Boys and Girls, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the world of reservations! A new ideology where the ‘in’ thing is to be an outcast!

How? Very simple! If you belong to a particular category, you can get whatever job you want, go to whatever institution with a fraction of the effort! And yes, you can compete in the general category as well if you’re half as good. If you don’t get through, there’s the backdoor. This backdoor is called reservation.

Now that the concept is clear, I’d like to introduce you to a disturbing trend. Despite a ceiling of 50% (WTF??!!) on reservation, a state like Tamilnadu has 69% reservation. Another interesting fact is that 87% of the state’s population qualifies for it! That means that 7 out of every 10 buses that ply in Tamilnadu are driven by someone who didn’t ‘quite’ know how to drive! Scary? You bet it is!

Unfortunately, the sad part is that 13% of the population has to work twice or thrice as hard to get into the same college or job. But who cares? Even an illiterate can do the math – 87 votes is more than 13.

Seats are reserved for Schedules Castes, Scheduled Tribes, and Other Backward Castes (based chiefly on caste at birth) in varying ratio by the central government and state government. This caste is decided based on birth, and can never be changed. While a person can change his religion, and his economic status can fluctuate, the caste is permanent. In central government funded higher education institutions, 22.5% of available seats are reserved for Scheduled Caste (Dalit) and Scheduled Tribe (Adivasi) students (15% for SCs, 7.5% for STs). This reservation percentage has been raised to 49.5%, by including an additional 27% reservation for OBCs. In AIIMS 14% of seats are reserved for SCs, 8% for STs. In addition, SC/ST students with only 50% scores are eligible. This ratio is followed even in Parliament and all elections where few constituencies are earmarked for those from certain communities. For example, In Andhra Pradesh, 25% of educational institutes and government jobs for BCs, 15% for SCs, 6% for STs and 4% for Muslims. (That's 50%!)

And something very interesting is happening in Rajasthan as you read this: the Gujjar community wants to avail reservations and are fighting (and violently at that) to be called Scheduled Castes! To put that in perspective that we can identify, it’s like Amitabh Bachhan wanting to be a porn star so that his son can get a government job! Yes. It is that ridiculous!

Is there a way out? IMHO, the only way out is education. The whole “I will not send my son to school, but I want him to be a CEO” shit won’t fly… What we need is a paradigm shift. Reservation is just an excuse for being mediocre. According to the Sachar Commission, the Indian Muslim is not being provided the right education. And according to a related report, the Indian Christian has the highest literacy and the lowest employment rate. I agree with the BJP when they say that the reports have been manipulated for electoral reasons.

So, where will this end? I think the constitution should declare that all Indians are Scheduled Castes. And remove religion from the equation.

If you are still wondering why we can not co-exist peacefully, it’s because we have been divided by OUR constitution and played on this ever since by OUR leaders!

Read No Evil...

Caution: Longish, severely MCPish and anti-Feminazzi post

Do we really (like really, really) need Taslima back?

Taslima Nasreen, described as “a physician, a writer, a radical feminist, human rights activist and a secular humanist” by her official website, is craving to come back to Calcutta. The literary circles and activist groups are crying hoarse about her plight. Why? For those new to the newest poster-child for freedom of speech, here’s why…

Excerpts from Wikipedia: (What would we ever be without Wikipedia…)

“Taslima Nasreen is a Bengali Bangladeshi ex-physician turned feminist author who describes herself as a secular humanist. From a modest literary profile in the late 1980s, she achieved a meteoric rise to global fame by the end of the twentieth century, for her severe criticism of Islam and of religion in general.”

“Autobiographical books of Taslima raised controversy not only because of her criticisms of Islam but also for narratives involving the private lives of people. Taslima candidly described her sexual relationship with a number of named persons. She also touched upon her relationship with her four Bangladeshi husbands. Published in 2003, Ka, her third autobiographical book, was the first to raise such issues.”

“Ka, published in Bangladesh, is a self-censored version of Dwikhonditp published in India. Dwikhonditp is said to contain critical comments on the Prophet Muhammad (according to Islamic Sharia law, criticism of Muhammad is haraam and punishable by execution, provided Sharia law is in force). The latter was also banned in India by the Calcutta High Court in the state of West Bengal on 18 November, 2004.”

Now we know why she is in exile for the last 14 years. The poor lady can not enter her own country; leave alone any country with a semblance of religion… She was unceremoniously evicted from Calcutta after fierce protests. Before that, she was assaulted during a book release in Hyderabad. She was then taken to Delhi and kept in “safe custody” fearing attempts on her life. (BTW, there is a prize on her head… In March 2007, the "All India Ittehad Millat Council" of Bareilly U.P offered 500,000 rupees for her beheading.)

All this just for being promiscuous? Or for publishing those escapades? Or, is it just because she is a raving anti-Islamist? Maybe because she criticized The Prophet? What if she wanted more money? Vanity? Fame? Attention?

We shall never know. But what we do know is that she is ‘longing’ to return to Kolkata and is wondering why the government won’t let her. She innocently asks, “Kolkata is where I had set up my home. Can't I be allowed by the West Bengal government to return to my city?” I’ll hazard a guess – The Government and the people of West Bengal don’t F#@%ing want her back. And what makes her think that India will extend her Visa? Or will we see another “Ka” about her attempts to get her Visa extended? Hmmm… Her popularity abroad is also quite evident – “In 2005, her attempt to read an anti-war poem entitled "America" to a large Bengali crowd attending the North American Bengali Conference at Madison Square Garden resulted in her being booed off the stage”

What would you do if you were in her place? How will you fight this cruel, cruel world? If you ask me, I would shut the f@#k up! I never, ever kiss and tell all. I would pray to Allah to forgive my sins and publicly apologize for my indiscretions with the pen (and whatever).

Because, my dear lady, we Indians are forgiving. But we are also sensitive people who fear God. You may have had experiences that were unfortunate. But don’t blame them on The Prophet, or The Paramatma, or The Heavenly Father. Because in India, we live by a simple code: Love your Country, honor your Gods, and respect your elders. Honestly, we don’t really care whether you believe in the same God, but we will kick your @$$ back to Bangladesh if you disrespect ours. And going by the love your people have for you, you really don’t want to go back there!


P.S.:
1) This is one post I sincerely pray my wife doesn’t read. She’s a bit left of center I’m more center of right…
2) I know you may say that I’m still being ‘analy Catholic’ (a good friend once remarked so on another issue) and a bigot… Maybe I am :(
3) Freedom of speech and slander are two entirely different things. If you call your dog my name, what stops me from naming a bitch after your mother and leave her out with street dogs and writing about it huh? I’m sorry, that’s not freedom of speech! [I am using this as an example and I do not intend to infringe on that copyright]
4) If you’ve read so far, thanks. Dude, you really have nothing better to do? *LOL*

The IPL saga...

Down and out? Faaar from it!

Well, if you’ve written off the Deccan Chargers, think again? Does your team really have a confirmed berth in the Semis? Think again! We shall decide who will get to the semis. So, you want your team through? Don’t piss the Chargers off!

They say that the most dangerous man is the one who has nothing to lose. So watch out for the Deccan Chargers. In a few days, we shall be at the bottom of the points table. In true corporate style, Dr Mallaya is flogging the dead horse to get up and win. And he has managed it with some of his companies. Even in Sports, the Force India team is performing much better than what was expected. I am positive that they will land among the points this season.

Now back to IPL. I’ve heard some rumors about these matches being fixed. Pratibha sent me this link that strengthens this theory. After all, why would SRK spend money to distribute 20,000 KKR style helmets in Mumbai for the final? Prats also believes that the final will be between KKR and Mumbai Indians. Food for thought, huh?

The exit of the Australian stars, the return of Tendulkar and Shoaib, Shoaib taking 4 wickets in his maiden match, all this sounds kinda scripted to me. This, in addition to the highly unprobable event of Gilly, Afridi, Gibbs, Rohit Sharma, Styris, Venu all not performing in the same match. And also the fact that Asif sits out when he’s not bowling!

Before you rubbish my claims, compare the script elements to any Ekta Kapoor type soaps:
Family drama (Brother Vs Brother): David Vs Mike Hussey, Irfan Vs Yousuf Pathan
The patriarch: SRK/Mallaya/Ambani
The matriarch: Preity Zinta
Sex: The Cheerleaders (not in my opinion, though)
Sissy boys: The cheerboys… (yuck)
The taunts and stare downs: Sledging and more…
Return from dead: Shoaib, Tendulkar
The Slap!: Bhajji and Sree Santh
Tears: Sree Santh

I can keep going on…

Being a Deccan Chargers fan, I will try my best to fuel the rumor. I would also go on to suggest that the Jaipur blasts were planned and executed by IPL so that team Jaipur can exit without match-fixing allegations. If the intelligence wings of our law enforcement need any indication of the next blast, they need to think of a successful team without a tycoon or star backing…

Enough said for today.

Deccan Chargers Wallpapers

I still keep asking myself, "How on Earth could this get so wrong?". What we have here is a team that has:


Two of the top three run getters (Sharma 296 and Gilly 308)
The batsman with the maximum sixes (Gilly 16)
Two out of five top individual scores (Symonds 117 and Gilly 109)
The highest partnership (Gily & VVS 155 not out)
and the no. two wicket taker (RP Singh 12)

And DC would have been scraping the bedrock if it wasn't for Royal Challengers' old age institution. But you know what? I still am a fan.

But when??

Thank God for Gilly!

Sixes galore with both bat and ball!



Too silent, too long :(

Somebody say the magic words and release them from the spell!

All images owned by IPL and Deccan Chargers (http://www.deccanchargers.com/)

Feeling Artsy?

Image 1

Image 2


When does something cross the line from artsy to obscene? Why is a nude painting artistic, whereas half-clad cheerleading is obscene? I am referring to this article where Justice Sanjay Kishan Kaul noted that the complainants, “seem to be of the type who wouldn't go to any art gallery or have any interest in contemporary art because if they did, they would know that there are many artists who embrace nudity as part of their contemporary art."

About this time last year, we had a scandal involving Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty. The court in Rajasthan ordered the arrest of the duo under IPC Section 294 (committing obscene act in a public place). What really happened was that Gere kissed Shetty on her cheeks. Thrice! The whole nation went up in arms against the incident. Recently, we had the cheerleader issue in the IPL. In both the above cases, the people in question had more than enough clothing to cover ‘objectionable’ areas.

Not so in MF Hussain’s case. He painted Hindu deities and Mother India in the nude. The kind of action that could get you fatwa’d. How different is he from the Dutch artist who cartooned The Prophet? At-least the cartoonist had sense to clothe and add a turban to the cartoon in question.

Oh I get it. The cartoonist hurt the religious sentiments of Muslims. Whereas, according to the ruling yesterday, MF was just being a ‘contemporary’ artist. I stand corrected. Depicting Goddesses in the nude is freedom of expression… How dumb of me!

Coming back to the Judge’s comment, I still have not understood ‘contemporary’ art. I hate modern art. I think inkblots have more character than most of the obscenely expensive stuff that looks worse than the paintings of a kindergarten kid high on LSD, let lose with a paintbrush. I fail to see art in them, and I have tried hard. Look at these few exhibits…
Exhibit 1
Exhibit 2
Exhibit 3
Exhibit 4

Hell! I can do better than that!

And just in case you were wondering, the first image is ‘Fishbowl’ by a kindergarten kid and the second by Picasso called ‘Still Life’. To me the fishbowl looks more artsy than the still life. But, then again, that’s me.