Indian Putrid League…

Q: What happens when a petty dimwit, who leads a hugely successful franchise, faces off with a suave lobbyist?

A: Crap hits the fan!

Welcome dear friends to a side-act that seems to be dominating India’s richest circus – Indian Premier League. IPL, as it is better known, started as an idea by the Indian cricketing legend Kapil Dev, to hone the cricketing talent of the country. At a time when India’s cricketing board considered T20, the shortest format of the game to be just a fad, Kapil Dev created the Indian Cricket League (ICL) with private sponsors. The event was an instant success for the cricket-hungry nation with international players mentoring upcoming Indian cricketers and enthralling crazed fans.

Enter Lalit Modi, who convinces the BCCI (Indian Cricket Board) that with the Indian team winning the 2007 T20 world cup, the fad is here to stay. For a plan to cash-in on the rush, Lalit Modi revisits the ICL plan, Cntrl+A, Cntrl+X, Cntrl+V. Viola! IPL is born. He then resorts to the cheap tactic of banning all Indian players in the ICL from representing the country. Trivializes Kapil Dev’s efforts and gets the ICC (International Cricketing Council) to discredit the ICL. What happens to ICL? Shift+Del!

What followed were two hugely successful seasons that cashed in on two evergreen passions of the Indian Man – Cricket and White Babes. The IPL wants more and invites bids for two new teams. Team Pune and Team Kochi offer whopping amounts of USD 350M and USD 333M for their teams, and win the bid. The Kochi bid is put together by Rendezvous sports, a bunch of unrelated parties brought together by Dr. Shashi Tharoor, an erudite politician from Trivandrum. Suddenly, something.

What follows is a developing story and the plot, sub-plots, characters, locales, and political affiliations will change. Continuously, randomly.

Act 1. The Kochi franchise’s papers are returned, citing lack of paperwork as the reason. As any Indian will know, the next logical thing is to slip a fiver into the babu’s pocket. The franchise, rather than slipping a fiver in the pocket, spends time, money, and energy in compiling paperwork.

Act 2. Modi tweets about irregularities in the partnership and attacks Shashi Tharoor personally, and insinuating his financial interest in the franchise. He also confesses to having received a call from Tharoor asking him to ‘back off’ from the scrutiny of the Kochi team’s papers.

Act 3. Dr Tharoor tweets ‘I’ve had enough” and issues a press release. He refrains from any personal attacks, but his aides and confidants do not. They publish Modi’s past in the US as a cocaine peddler, kidnapper, and assaulter. (?!)

Act 4. The Kochi team challenges Modi to disclose the ownership patterns of all teams. This supposedly caused a minor tremor in Lahore, where the ‘Bhai’ is living off ISI’s money and hospitality. (Any Indian company is only legitimate if the ‘Bhai’ has a stake in it.) Tharoor receives a threat SMS from the ‘Bhai’ (which will be eventually traced to some wannabe dumfuk) and his security is beefed up.

Act 5. Another disclosure linking Modi to a model and a probable casting pitch(?) scandal raises eyebrows. Modi is asked by the BCCI to stop tweeting and not make further comments (till they receive their share?) until the matter is sorted.

Act 6. BJP demands Tharoor’s resignation. (Again, this is the only logical conclusion for any problem.)

Update: April 18, 2010

Tharoor quits his post as a minister in the external affairs ministry.

Update: April 21, 2010

The BCCI and IPL governing council suggest Modi's exit. The defiant Modi refuses to go down

Disclaimer: My being a Mallu doesn’t necessarily mean that I am a fan of Tharoor by default. I honestly think that he should quit politics, since the political scene is not yet ready for a class act like him. IMO, it is his skill as a lobbyist that put a motley crew together to bid for a team. Moreover, even in the unlikely event that he has a financial stake in the outfit, isn’t it better than having underworld connections and other assorted mafia links? I’m really curious to see how Modi will come out of this…

Scheduled Role Reversal...

I pride myself on being able to watch movies the wrench the hearts out of the heartless without shedding a single tear. I am so emotionally detached watching TV, that I make fun of my wife/mother/sister/friend if they even as much as sigh during an emotional patch…

As a kid, my Mom’s biggest threat used to be that one day, I will become like those I make fun of. I now realize that the day is fast approaching. Again!

In a strange role-reversal of sorts, I used to be the one who used to stare at the TV, teary-eyed and heartbroken, while my wife used to exact her revenge by making fun of my heroes! And I’m afraid, the time is at hand again…

The 2010 sporting season for me begins on March 12 with the IPL. It carries on till the end of November with the football world cup and Formula 1. And I’m going to be an emotional wreck this year!

It will start with IPL3 where my team, the Deccan Chargers hope to defend their title from last year. Year one saw them at the bottom of the table. At that time, there were only TWO DC fans in the whole world – Pratibha and I. While the whole world mocked us, we held our heads high. When IPL2 started, the same non-believers came back to hound us, and to them I now say- “Who’s your daddy NOW?”.

It was easier last year since any position other than the last was an improvement, and even if they came last, we could claim to be consistent. Not so this year… I’m going to stay off fat and protein.

Same with the Azzuri. My favorite team since I started following the world cup in Mexico ’86. The Italians had the X-factor. I was obviously too young to realize that then, I supported them because their flag was the closest to India’s. But my support never wavered and my love for the Azzuri survived the Maradona, and Ronaldo eras. While my friends dreamed about Bollywood, I used to idolize Toto, Baggio, Maldini, Del Piero, Cannavarro, and the likes. Not that I disliked other teams, I would always have a step team to support. But my heart always beat with the Azzuri…

And then, the most painful of my sporting indulgences – Formula 1. My affair with the sport began in 1998, the Mika Hakkinen era. The battles between Mika and Michael Schumacher kept the season interesting. Despite losing the championship that season, I started favoring Ferrari. I was in awe of the scarlet car and everything associated with it, including Schumi.

1999 was disappointing after Michael’s Silverstone accident and thereafter missing five (or was it six) races… But he came back in Malaysia and how! He virtually held up the entire race for Eddie Irvine, who finished first and Ferrari were the champs that year. They went on to dominate the next six years, which honestly were not as exciting with no one to challenge Schumi.

A lot has happened since then, Force India entered F1 in 2008 and took a bite out of my loyalty to Ferrari. Schumi retired, Ferrari became champs again… But this year, things are not so pleasant for me. Schumacher makes a comeback and races for team Mercedes. Alonso and Massa pilot the Ferrari, Karun Chandok becomes the second Indian F1 driver…

Things are not going to be easy this time either…

Craze for the Race...

Ready… Start!

Two words that will get your adrenalin rushing like nothing else!

But of-course, you have to see it to believe it. The Nehru Trophy Boat Race in Alleppy (or Aalappuzha) gives you an opportunity to understand that there are still sports other than Cricket that people still flock to. And love.

Ron had been to the NTBR 2008 and shot this video. And to think of it – she was just a few feet from the starting grid of the most famous boat race in the world.

I had been to an earlier edition and I know from personal experience that the atmosphere is electric! And the race you see on the video is THE snake boat race. The snake boats (called Chundan vallam in Malayalam) can seat more than 120 rowers, who row to the synchronization of the beats of the captain.

Next time you plan to go to Kerala, ask me about the Snake Boat Races.

The IPL saga...

Down and out? Faaar from it!

Well, if you’ve written off the Deccan Chargers, think again? Does your team really have a confirmed berth in the Semis? Think again! We shall decide who will get to the semis. So, you want your team through? Don’t piss the Chargers off!

They say that the most dangerous man is the one who has nothing to lose. So watch out for the Deccan Chargers. In a few days, we shall be at the bottom of the points table. In true corporate style, Dr Mallaya is flogging the dead horse to get up and win. And he has managed it with some of his companies. Even in Sports, the Force India team is performing much better than what was expected. I am positive that they will land among the points this season.

Now back to IPL. I’ve heard some rumors about these matches being fixed. Pratibha sent me this link that strengthens this theory. After all, why would SRK spend money to distribute 20,000 KKR style helmets in Mumbai for the final? Prats also believes that the final will be between KKR and Mumbai Indians. Food for thought, huh?

The exit of the Australian stars, the return of Tendulkar and Shoaib, Shoaib taking 4 wickets in his maiden match, all this sounds kinda scripted to me. This, in addition to the highly unprobable event of Gilly, Afridi, Gibbs, Rohit Sharma, Styris, Venu all not performing in the same match. And also the fact that Asif sits out when he’s not bowling!

Before you rubbish my claims, compare the script elements to any Ekta Kapoor type soaps:
Family drama (Brother Vs Brother): David Vs Mike Hussey, Irfan Vs Yousuf Pathan
The patriarch: SRK/Mallaya/Ambani
The matriarch: Preity Zinta
Sex: The Cheerleaders (not in my opinion, though)
Sissy boys: The cheerboys… (yuck)
The taunts and stare downs: Sledging and more…
Return from dead: Shoaib, Tendulkar
The Slap!: Bhajji and Sree Santh
Tears: Sree Santh

I can keep going on…

Being a Deccan Chargers fan, I will try my best to fuel the rumor. I would also go on to suggest that the Jaipur blasts were planned and executed by IPL so that team Jaipur can exit without match-fixing allegations. If the intelligence wings of our law enforcement need any indication of the next blast, they need to think of a successful team without a tycoon or star backing…

Enough said for today.

Deccan Chargers Wallpapers

I still keep asking myself, "How on Earth could this get so wrong?". What we have here is a team that has:


Two of the top three run getters (Sharma 296 and Gilly 308)
The batsman with the maximum sixes (Gilly 16)
Two out of five top individual scores (Symonds 117 and Gilly 109)
The highest partnership (Gily & VVS 155 not out)
and the no. two wicket taker (RP Singh 12)

And DC would have been scraping the bedrock if it wasn't for Royal Challengers' old age institution. But you know what? I still am a fan.

But when??

Thank God for Gilly!

Sixes galore with both bat and ball!



Too silent, too long :(

Somebody say the magic words and release them from the spell!

All images owned by IPL and Deccan Chargers (http://www.deccanchargers.com/)

In Good Cheer...

Cartoon by Ayan


I was depressed this morning, but thank God I stay in India… You can never be short on amusement. I am referring to this article about the ongoing controversy regarding cheerleaders in the IPL.

Like always, I had my own opinions. Then I thought, why not include you – My readers. And It was not difficult as there are just a few of you. I tried using G-Talk for the interview. The first guest was, but of-course, Anupama Datye – the worldly wise, with an opinion on just about nothing and everything.

TheWalker: Good Afternoon Mrs Datye, and welcome to the first interview of “Keep Walking”. It is indeed a great pleasure to have you as the first guest to…
Anupama Datye: Get on with it!
Me: err.. My bad. Do you think that there should be a ban on cheerleaders? (I am not asking if cheerleading is necessary.)
Anu: These matches are just for entertainment, no one is losing in the bargain. They add glamour to the game, so let them be.
Me: Don't you feel that this shows women in poor light and "increases voyeuristic tendencies in men" as claimed by some of our politicians?
Anu: Men will be men! They could get turned on by women in bhurkha… Other politicians don't seem to have any problems... only these guys sitting Mumbai, I think they have nothing better to do in life. They will be the 1st to ogle :(
The sena is making news for all the wrong reasons.
Me: But in your opinion, do you think it is 'perverted'?
Anu: Perverted is when a man lecherously looks at women twice his age or half his age that is bad
Me: Does that mean that you will not stop your 4-year old from watching the matches?
Anu: Rubbish! What does he understand? I don’t think that there is anything scandalous happening here. And btw cheerleading is a tradition - every girl worth her penny will want to be a cheerleader (watch "bring it on")
Me: Any parting thoughts? (I better end this fast... unless I want her to come over and smack me on the head)
Anu: I don't think cheerleading that is the problem it is the mental attitude of no good politicians that needs to be changed. They cover up things like that models (Jessica Lall) murder because their sons do it (probably because they were themselves deprived by their perverted parents) and likes of Shivani Bhatnager suffers a horrible death
Me: Thanks for being a part of this interview. I appreciate your time.
Anu: LOL

Well, folks, that was Anu. The next interview was with Sujata Chakraborty, my first cube-mate at workplace. Su’s a great writer herself and she calls a spade a spade. This was going to be interesting.

TheWalker: I was about to ping you
Sujata: Tell… wassup?
Me: I need your interview for my next post on "Cheerleaders"
Sujata: ?
Me: For my blog re
Sujata: Oh ok… ask and I’ll tell
Me: Do you think that there should be a ban on cheerleaders?
Sujata: Of course not. no bans. Cheerleaders are fun. But they should be local.
Like, in Bombay matches, they should be Marathi Manoos.
In Cal, they shouold be the bong beauties
In Kerala, the Mallu babes
In Delhi, the Punjabi kudis should take over
Me: But don't you think that it will 'do harm to the morality of the already deprived Indian men and cause irrepairable damage to our society' as our politicians claim?
Sujata: The answer to you question is in it. The 'already deprived' and 'irreparable' cannot be redeemed methinks. So, let's all enjoy. And u never know. It might actually be some balm for those souls. IMHO, most of the crime in India is caused by repressed libido and unsatisfied sexual appetites. ;)
Me: Hmm... Have you read the news in Mumbai Mirror (April 25, '08) about the man who tried to commit suicide because it was the 'wrong time' for his wife on his 'suhaag-raat'? How much longer do you think before the politicians blame that he could take it no more because of the IPL Cheerleaders?
Sujata: Oh I didn't read that. But that's hilarious! Mumbai mirror rocks.
Read this: http://www.telegraphindia.com/1070809/asp/opinion/story_8167967.asp
Me: Yeah. That piece of news in the Mirror was hilarious... written in all seriousness by the usual horde of Pulitzer prize-winning Mumbai Mirror journos...
Sujata: I generally like Mumbai mirror. Keeps the crap out and does a good job of covering the city. Very tabloid.
Me: okay back to the topic on hand... Do you foresee a solution to all this?
Sujata: I don’t see it as a problem. What’s porn in England is art in France.

That summed up Su’s opinion. Crisp and to the point as always.

What will follow in the next few posts will be your opinions. I have a few lined up:
Ayan Chakraborty – My favorite cartoonist
Pratibha Pal – My friend in grief when it comes to Hyderabad and Deccan Chargers
Jayeeta Das – Legally speaking

I would love to have some of my favorite bloggers and writers to find some time for me. Like Sue of the sushi bar, Morpheus of Morpheus’ dreams, Ajeeth - My only fan, Chandu – writer of the blog I can’t access… Hyacie, Shantanu… now, that’s a list

This exercise seems to be working. I don’t need Valium anymore. But I do need a job :)

Hyderabad Blues…

Deccan Chargers have disappointed again… They threw away another match in the last over. Now, they are at the bottom of the table after losing all their three matches…

I must admit here that I am not much of a cricket fan. I still feel that it’s a pseudo team game that relies on weird rules and only individual merit. That that’s another debate I would like to avoid, especially today. I think I’m getting into depression!

I have always been a huge fan of Hyderabad. The people there are warm, friendly and welcoming. They are a bit too relaxed, but that I can bear with. I met my wife there; we got married there, and now even buying a home there. I have never felt so much at home in any other part of the country or the world. So, even though I belong from Kerala, studied in Ooty (TN), worked in Delhi and Mumbai, married to a Bengali, I am a Deccan Chargers fan.

Even before the team was announced, I knew that I will always support Hyderabad. And when the team was announced, I was elated! The charging bull, the understated uniforms... Then I looked up the stars of the squad and knew that we had a winner. C’mon, look at the line-up:
Adam Gilchrist – IMHO, the best cricketer in the world,
Shahid Afridi – A top class hitter,
Andrew Symonds – Aggression personified,
Herschelle Gibbs – Reinvented top order batting for South Africa,
Chaminda Vaas – No body invokes more fear in batsmen,
Scott Styris – THE pinch-hitter,
R P Singh – A hugely talented bowler,
VVS Laxman – well…

So, I expected nothing less than dominance from this team. And, I reluctantly became a cricket fan (much to my horror – my dad could disown me if he ever found out!).

As I was chatting with a couple of friends downstairs, I just realized that I could turn suicidal if Hyderabad ever has a Soccer or F1 team… That seems a very distant possibility. For now, I think my longevity is safe. For now, I could use some Valium.

Whatever said, one thing is for sure – Even if they lose all their matches, I’ll be a Deccan Chargers fan. Forever!

All links and images courtesy the official Deccan Chargers site.

The Tifosi rejoice!

When the 2007 season began in Melbourne, it looked good for Ferrari. Kimi ‘The Iceman’ Raikkonen won in style and we were introduced to rookie Hamilton who finished on the podium in his maiden GP. Here’s a brief account of the 17 races and how the events unfolded.

Race 1: Kimi, Alonso, Hamiltom. (Kimi leads the standings)
Race 2: Alonso, Hamiltom, Kimi. (Alono leads)
Race 3: Massa, Hamilton, Kimi. (Kimi, Alonso and Hamilton tied)
Race 4: Massa, Hamilton, Alonso. Kimi retires. (Hamilton leads)
Race 5: Alonso, Hamilton, Massa. (Hamilton and Alonso tied)
Race6: Hamilton, Heidfeld, Wurz. (Hamilton leads)
Race 7: Hamilton, Alonso, Massa. (Hamilton leads)
Race 8: Kimi, Massa, Hamilton. (Hamilton leads)
Race 9: Kimi, Alonso, Hamiltom. (Hamilton leads)
Race 10: Alonso, Massa Webber. (Hamilton leads)

There’s a twist now… The ongoing ‘spygate’ scandal between Ferrari and McLaren is underway. Alonso threatens Ron Dennis (McLaren chief) by saying that unless he slows Hamilton down, he (Alonso) will hand over the evidence to FIA. Dennis does not give in and McLaren is found guilty!
The standings are: Hamilton – 80, Alonso – 63, Kimi – 60, Massa – 51

Race 11: Hamilton, Kimi. Heidfeld (Hamilton leads)
Race 12: Massa, Kimi, Alonso (Hamilton leads)
Race 13: Alonso, Hamiltom, Kimi (Hamilton leads)

Alonso and Hamilton are not on talking terms now. Alonso wants to be the No.1 driver in the McLaren team and the team decides on a no favorites policy. The spygate ruling sees Ferrari already crowned constructors champions. Its now down to the last four races…

Race 14: Kimi, Massa, Alonso (Hamilton leads)
Race 15: Hamilton, Kovalinen, Kimi; Alonso retires (Hamilton leads)
Race 16: Kimi, Alonso, Massa; Hamilton retires (Hamilton leads)

The standings are: Hamilton – 107, Alonso – 103, Kimi – 100. The rest are out of the title race. Here’s what each of them had to achieve in order to win the driver’s championship:
Hamilton: Finish 1st, 2nd or 3rd. If 4th, Alonso to finish 2nd or lower…
Alonso: Finish 1st with Hamilton finishing 4th or lower…
Kimi: Finish 1st with Hamilton finishing 7th or lower, Alonso finishing 3rd or lower…

Race 17: Kimi, Massa, Alonso; Hamilton 7th!

No thriller could have been this exciting, no writer could have dreamt of this finish, but the prayers of the Tifosi have borne fruit. Ferrari are the world champions – Constructor and Driver. Boy, oh boy! What an awesome season it turned out to be… Kimi wins his 15th GP and his first World Championship. The Iceman smiles. Jus as we have come to expect of him, he does not get his emotions in the way even for the press conference.

Now, it doesn’t seem very likely that Alonso will stick to McLaren. Renault is only too eager to have him back. Hamilton will remain with McLaren. Kimi and Massa will race with Ferrari again in 2008. Kingfisher now has an F1 team. I can’t wait till next season!

Sources: BBC F1 and Fromula 1 official website.

National Shame?

It always comes back to this. The Indian cricket team lost today at Baroda... extremely, extremely, shamefully! I was expecting this, to be honest after the T20 hysteria. We are like this only...

However, what got to me early, were the commentators on DD National. They had invited a dumb-looking 'expert' commentator, who was going on and on about how India is sure to make 350 plus on this dream batsman's pitch. He opined that this was the sort of pitch that bowlers had nightmares about (or something like that). I was as usual, running around trying to finish my morning chores and get to work, so the volume was turned up and I could hear him being egged on by two equally insipid hosts who thought he was the cat's whiskers...

After the toss, this dude seemed to be on the seventh heaven and suggested that it was a sign from above! Well, it didn't take him too long to change his views. Within a few minutes (a few wickets later), he went on to say that this is the 'perfect bowler's pitch and that the batsmen were sure to face hell. The equally asinine co-commentator agreed only too enthusiastically! I was getting extremely amused by this chap! Alas, I valued my job more and that overcame my need for 'morbid amusement'.

I later heard that we were bundled out for 148! I thought to myself, hmm... that dude could've been right. The next I heard was that the OZs beat us pants down, with 9 wickets and about 25 more overs to spare! I thought to myself again, hmm... that dude could still have been right. Now that's what I call an opinion for all occasions! Attaboy!! He should've been in politics... Kumaraswamy seems to be the only 'true blue' politician who has the courage to go back on his words and keep the tradition alive... (Post Nayanar, but of course)

Rather than having such morons on air commentating, we should have them in the team. They would at-least (serve as 'nazar-tattoos?' and) help to ward off the evil eye on our team... The least that these types do are to act like a bad omen. Mandira Bedi did that to the Men in Blue during WC 2003. At least have good-looking people for Chrissakes!

But you got to give credit to our boys as well... We shine where there's no light. Our batsmen create perfect bowling wickets, and our bowlers make the ultimate batting wickets out of nowhere!

No wonder, there are some people (like me) who feel quite strongly about it. Hell who wouldn't? Out of about a dozen countries that play the game, can't we still be the best? All our sponsorships in sports are directed there! So, what do people like me do? We 'adapt' or 'internalize' jokes to suit the need of the hour! Here's one:

A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a fan of the Indian cricket team. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are fans of the Indian cricket team. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little boy. (Obviously Chhottu)
The teacher looks at Chhottu with surprise and says, "Chhottu, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a fan of the Indian cricket team," he replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a fan of the Indian cricket team, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a fan of the Australian cricket team, and proud of it," he replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Chhottu, why, pray tell, are you a a fan of the Australian cricket team?"
"Because my mum and my dad are OZ cricket fans, so I'm a fan of the Australian cricket team too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a OZ cricket fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?"

"Then," said Chhottu, "I'd be a fan of the Indian cricket team."

Now, that's a boy who's bound to Keep Walking :)

Vision 2020

I don't think this is quite what Dr Kalam had in mind when he wrote his book. But then again, the Indian cricket team did not seem far from his vision of a confident, self-reliant, youthful, spirited India.

India, yesterday, won the inaugral Twenty20 world cup. And in what style! Sure there were troughs of despair and crests of joy, but in the end, we managed to keep it together. That was what mattered.

A study (read numbers guessed by me) has revealed that 90% of men cry at-least once a year. That number used to be at-least 10-20 times for the Indian cricket fan. Oh! the melodrama... Indian cricket finally has a happy ending! And somehow, I can' help but compare the Indian cricket fan to your average soap watcher. Indian cricket over the last couple of years, has all the makings of one:

Anger: Mob destructions of cricketers' homes
Elation: Victory laps
Sorrow: Loss to NZ
Jubilation: The mob mentioned above lighting crackers and doing 'bhangra' outside the same cricketers' homes.
Suspense: The Final of T20, the first India-Pak match
Animosity: Saurav - Chappel
Camaraderie: The huddle
Rape: Ahem.. what else would you call Yuvraj's 6 6s to Broad?
Litigation: BCCI...
Conspiracy: ICL!...
Melodrama: Sree(anything but)Shanth
and much more.

Now, all this comes in a power-packed 3 hours! That to me is the success of T20. Purists will berate me for the alleged 'bastardization' of the gentleman's game. They may gladly come over to do my work and the chores at home while I leisurely sit, relax, occassionally doze off, and watch the 5 days of 'Pure' cricket. I refuse to fall into the category of a gentleman who vegetates in front of his television for 5 days. Oops... I don't want to start a debate on that.

But what is heartening is that India wins the World Cup the same year it was bundled out by Bangladesh(!) and that too without the 'Trinity' of Rahul, Sachin and Saurav. Finally, for the Indian cricket fan (which I do not claim to be one), there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In this assurance (and at-least till the 'dream team' stumbles again), the fans shall Keep Walking.