Thursday, October 25, 2007

A Perfect World…

A very few people read my blog out of free will. Some I coerce, some I blackmail, the others, I force! Then there’s my family that read it out of unconditional love and have only good to say about it. My colleagues and friends read it more out of politeness.

So when the very few that read it out of free will suggests a topic to write about, I am obliged to oblige. So, here’s to Sue, who wanted to know about my IQ theory.

Caution: Overtly sensitive readers, please spare you and me the trouble. What follows is a veritable ‘Mein Kampf’ish ideology.

My IQ theory, like me, has a strong right skew. It’s my ‘Sistine Chapel’ of theories, and I intend to use it as a stepping-stone to my dream of becoming a God-man. This theory suggests that we live in a world that does not discriminate you based on your religion, race, caste, or gender. People will be segregated based only on their IQ which, for people with less than an 80 score, stands for Intelligence Quotient.

Some facts first:
Lewis Terman (1916) developed the original notion of IQ and proposed this scale for classifying IQ scores:
· Over 140 - Genius or near genius
· 120 - 140 - Very superior intelligence
· 110 - 119 - Superior intelligence
· 90 - 109 - Normal or average intelligence
· 80 - 89 - Dullness
· 70 - 79 - Borderline deficiency
· Under 70 - Definite feeble-mindedness

This formula works for well only for children. So, in the society of the future, every government issued ID, it will be mandatory to state the holder’s IQ. Privileges for the holders will be based on their IQ. The theory is extensive, but I present the gist of it here.

IQ Score of 110 and above: All privileges.

90 – 109: Not allowed to lead nations or hold a public position. These individuals will no be allowed to manage people with a higher IQ score.
Acceptable occupations: Drivers, ticket checkers, cashiers, postman/woman, etc.

80 – 89: Not allowed to drive, they can ride in a vehicle provided they are supervised. Will be required to take the stairs. Can marry; however, will not be allowed to reproduce.
Acceptable occupations: Coding, sanitation, house-helps, talent show contestants, etc.

70 – 79: Will require supervision while walking on streets, eating, interacting with others etc. Not allowed to meet people of the opposite gender. May participate in political rallies.
Acceptable occupations: Stunt doubles, waving for visiting dignitaries, play cricket, talent show judges, etc.

Below 69: Cordoned off in special gated communities. Allowed rations of food, water and oxygen. Not allowed to communicate or even think. May watch cricket, can send SMSes…
Acceptable occupation: Crash-test dummies, Kung-fu movies, Hindi soap operas, talent show audience, etc.

This intellectual cleansing of the society will rid you of most ills that we complain about in our society. And like any groundbreaking idea, it also has its negatives. The one main drawback due to which I was yet to formally present this theory is – lack of amusement. Most of us live to be amused. Amused by your colleagues, managers, friends, store clerks, actors, politicians… With the implementation of this theory, we will all lose that spice in our lives. So now you need to tell me a way around this. And I shall co-name you in my IQ theory for a better tomorrow… think of it…

Lemme know what you think. (In case you have a score below 80, I meant to say that you need to click on the link below, that says ‘comments’ and type your thoughts in the page that opens, and then… Oh forget it!)


Chandu said...

For amusement I suggest guided tours into the gated communities with suficient protection to avoid over-exposure.
The clause on restricting sub-80 IQs from interacting with the opposite sex runs a risk of being interpreted as racially discriminating towards blondes. I'm fine with the rest of course, but then I'm a gentleman. And as it goes, gentlemen prefer blondes.
Walk on dude!

Sue said...

OMG....your theory is thoroughly entertaining lol...
I like your variation of the 'Survival of the Fittest' theory much better than Darwin's. But yes, I agree that the limitation to your theory could have serious repercussions. I do love chandu's suggestion about guided tours but let me propose a few more solutions:

1. I think we should choose certain individuals from each of the IQ groups and maroon them on a deserted island and create a reality show around them. Trust them to not have a clue that they are being filmed. Imagine 'tempation island' with complete idiots starring in it.

2. Carry out a mass marraige ritual, with the most-mismatched couples in the world tape their daily Nick and Jessica. So we can get Rakhi Sawant and Mika married and that would be a total trip to watch.

3. We should have all the blondes with the lowest IQs from around the globe to come together have case competitions to solve problems of the world. Miss South Carolina from this year's Miss Teen USA should host the show as she's officially the dumbest person in the world.

I have some weird obsession with tv shows and that is apparent in my suggestions above. But your posts are superbly written and hilarious. Keep Walking and I will follow religiously :)