Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The beggar and the queen…

Cartoon by Ayan

It was no surprise actually… Like a couple of queens coming out of the closet, the Pakis and Taliban have officially announced their marriage yesterday. The wedding was paid for by the allies of the war on terror!

About 70% of money that Pak gets as aid in the ‘War on Terror’ is ‘suspiciously spent’. Like to build a house for an army general… What really irks me is the US feigning ignorance of these facts. Have they ever seen a cent of their aid money being spent on fighting extremism? The soldiers who fight the so called ‘War on Terror’ do it with sandals and bolt action rifles! Something else that's is that despite fighting enemies wielding AK56s with inferior gear, the casualties are negligible. (I am not complaining that the Paki soldiers are alive and well – soldiers are probably the only professionals who still do the duty without any grudge.) That should’ve been the first clue that these guys are sitting around in the cold, drinking ‘khaava’ and playing cards. With each other, for all you know!

And the reason for the alliance was equally obnoxious. According to the report in the International Herald Tribune, "About 3,000 Taliban militants have kept 12,000 government troops at bay and terrorized the local population with floggings and the burning of schools." ...And so we decided to forge an alliance. Bullcrap!

We have been crying hoarse about the double game that Mush was playing all the while. And once more yesterday after the happy marriage, the Pakis put in a fresh requestfor a handout! I doubt they will be denied the aid from IMF. But what I fail to understand is how come the issue of misuse of the aid was not figured out earlier? I guess it’s because the west is not familiar with the beggars in the South Asia. And now that they’ve watched a bit of Slumdog Millionaire, they are more in tune with the ‘Paki-aid-trick’.

Let’s look at the parallel - that of a beggar on the street. S/He comes to your car each day, only looking for money. You try and help her/him with food or clothes, s/he isn’t really interested. None of this money ever goes into anything that will benefit them. You give them clothes, the next day, they are there again, half-naked. The money you give in alms is spent on alcohol/narcotics and the rest goes to their bosses.

Similarly, the Pakis are not interested in aid that will benefit the war on terror. They just want money. They then buy their toys and promptly hand over a ‘cut’ to the Al-Qaedas, HUJIs, LeTs and Talibans of the world. The next day, they are back on the streets again. Stinking like a sin. And yet they succeed in raising money...

When will this menace end?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Fiasco and after…

I am probably the last blogger with his first take on the Satyam fiasco. My reason – it was surreal. And I needed to comprehend what happened, and how. And like I already mentioned, it was hard to believe.

The number 4 IT company in India admitting to financial data manipulation at the highest level despite having one of the ‘Big Four’ as its auditors, is astounding! And that too, someone with just about 3% of the stake in the company doing all this single-handedly? Farfetched. Something like this was possible in the early 20th century. But c’mon guys, this is the 21st century! It’s not as if Raju fudged the attendance records or something – this was a booker prize winning work of fiction.

If his admissions and subsequent reports are to be believed, the entire cash position was cooked up! Year after year. I find it hard to believe that no one else knew about this. I mean c’mon man, are we all to believe that he hired idiots and retards? That the innocent C-level didn’t have a clue about all this for all these years? That a firm like PWC was given the ‘Chinese 5-star factory tour’ and went back all praises? And that for all his efforts, Satyam was awarded the Golden Peacock for corporate governance? Bullcrap!

And disclosures of auditors that say that they attended meetings where the agenda was to cook books. They couldn’t understand what was going on just because the word ‘fudging’ was not used. Hmmm… let me think… get outta here! Either these guys were innocent as angels or they believe we are. And we all know we aren’t!

In my reckoning, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I think it’s just a while before the $hit hits the fan.

Ramalingaraju.com was the second most pathetic work of fiction. I refuse to believe that CEOs and Directors would want to openly declare their solidarity for RR. And that too, in grammar and language that could make the worst of Paki media persons cringe!

That the average Indian does not condone this didn’t come as a surprise to me. Like the protagonist in RGV’s Guru who bribes, cheats, and lies his way to the top, Raju too, is a hero to scores. And like ‘Gurubhai’, Raju also just wanted to do ‘bijnej’. The followers don’t give a fuk if he brings mistrust and disgrace to an industry which is already bearing the brunt of the global recession. All that matters is that they make their money. And that, my friends is the true ‘Indian Dream’!

I was almost admiring the genius of this guy when an interesting observation by Sharma Uncle, Baba’s closest friend made sense, “Yaar iss mei dimaag lagaaney ki koi zaroorat nahi hai. Aisi tuchha-panti toh chotey-motey contractor log barson se kartey aa rahe hain… Mazdoor kam lagao aur zyaada ka paisa mango.” (Translation: This didn’t require brains. This kind of third-class tactics were used by small time contractors from time immemorial… Employ less and show inflated wages.) This was no high-class fraud, this was just cheap and down-market! Sure, the scale was huge… but the scheme was pathetic. I expected better class out of the illustrious Satyam C-level, but what they’ve done wouldn’t even impress a pickpocket. The petty thief from his adjacent cell will own him anyday!

Now I wait for the day that Raju turns a politician. Well, that’s the only place he can find sympathizers. And that’s the ultimate glory that any petty criminal can hope for…