This morning, Ajita walks up to me and asks – How is ‘Rahul Mahajan ka Swayamvar’? That was when I realized that I became the Kannagi Ohlsson of the blog world. Not good! That is not the reality. The reality is this:
My name is Walker, and I am not a Bollywood star!
…NOT!
It seems that these days, if you have to be somebody worth anything in India, you gotta be a Bollywood star. That, my friends, is the new Indian identity. My barf reflexes started building up from the first time I saw PMS – Phir Mile Sur – for the first time on Jan 27. At the grave risk of being labeled a misogynic, insensitive, b@$***d (or MIB), the song induces a PMS in me and I pity myself for choosing a career that mandates competence. I am now a lesser citizen, who will never be appreciated unless I land a role in the movies…
And once that happens, no matter what I do or say, I will always have people to support any nonsense I say… I already have a blog and a twitter ID, so those are checked. All I have to do now is arrange for a lobotomy so that I will not, even by accident, say or do anything intelligible or logical. No one even raises an eyebrow about the stupid things I do.
Case in point – the most prolific star India has known. I have lost count of the political asses he has kissed. Starting from the Congress, Samajwadi Party, Shiv Sena, Bharatiya Janata Party… Even Deve Gowda’ obscure party! Fans pant, bank swells…
Another case – the MC Hammer of Indian cinema. Owns a sport franchise, doesn’t bid for any players who come from the ‘Best Neighbor’. Then cries about it. There is an uproar, and (wink) his upcoming movie gets dragged into it. The ever-faithful Mainstream Media swarms to the story like pigeons to grain. Fans pant, bank swells…
So I am torn between my future as a God-man and that of being a star. Well, I would REALLY like a cult following, but I would also like to be on some edition of the Mile Sur series… Even the upcoming one with Rakhi Sawant, Himesh, Rahul Mahajan, Pritam, KRK and other ‘accomplished’ Indians will do. Till that happens, I would not have ‘arrived’, and I definitely want to ‘arrive’.
I also need to learn the subtle art of practising inanity while not compromising on my conceit...
In the meantime, I plan to watch MNIK and rent Chhahat and Ram Jaane to up my acting skills.
P.S.: I have no issues with the real talents like ARR, Anoushka, Amjad Ali, Zakir Hussain, Yesudas, and the others. I lose when I see Bollywood/Kollywood/Tollywood/Tiger Wood/WTFwood ham. ARR is a great singer and they didn’t let HIM sing… gave hime a fekkin fingerboard. The revulsion I feel about the PMS video could fill volumes…
