Freedom of expression…

Freedom of expression is a concept that ranges from simple logic to complex legality. But the essence of the right is a person’s wish to speak freely. Now, as all fans of Spiderman are aware, ‘With great power comes great responsibility’ and the same goes for freedom of expression.

However, in most civilized societies (I await the results of the 2009 election before deciding where to classify India), this freedom excludes ‘Hate’ and ‘Offense’. It’s another debate as to what either of them mean… I mean, even in a simple household like mine, classics like ‘Goonda’, ‘Deshdrohi’, and the like are offensive to the missus, and movies like ‘Mamma Mia’ that makes me sick. (I bet Kamaal R Khan could own Meryl Streep and her flock of pansies any day... Bring it on!) This conflict of perception also happens when you inform the twit, whose car brushes yours, about your intentions for him and his dear ones… And when a packed crowd cheered Raj or Varun, there was a whole other crowd who s#at their pants! So, this conflict of perception is nothing new to us and we eperince it at various levels.

However, how do you react to something said under influence? Something said after you smoked(or whatever) something weird, but potent and then you are all of a sudden put on national television for comments? And you do not have time to grip facts or reality for that matter? Well I guess it would come out something like this, this, this, or this. (This guy Zaid Hamid never fails to crack me up!)

Cheers guys. I hope you too can share some more such stoner comedies… And I hope guys like him are not persecuted for their free speech or else we would lose some quality entertainment!

AWOL for 6 Weeks...

Well, what do I say? The financial year ends keeping most of us on our toes and the rest of us on the sidelines watching the fun. You guessed right about which group I belong to (wink).

The world’s changed quite a bit since Feb 17, ’09 (hint: my last post), and I thought I’d put in my two bits of how it’s affecting me…

Valentines Hang-over

You would’ve guessed it… The generous contributors to the ‘pink chaddi’ campaign who were discreet enough to write down their personal address and numbers on the couriers expecting a sari, are now flooded with obscene calls from the outfit’s workers. I’m not surprised at all! Moreover Muthalik plans to sue all contributors to the campaign for defamation. His logic: It is ‘perverted’. Hmmm… I wonder what could be more perverted than beating up hapless young women… I know: wearing chaddis! According to Ravi, a passionate fan of Muthalik, underwear is not a part of Indian culture. Now that makes us all ‘Christian Westerners’ don’t it? (Please see comment under: HELL WITH THE FREE CULTURE PROTOGANISTS.... HELL WITH PUB CULTURE by Ravi on 23 Feb 2009 on the second link)

Shift Focus

The Maharashtra government is planning to shift this year’s Ganesh Pooja celebrations to Kabul. This was keeping in mind the inability to provide adequate security for the event. The authorities decided on Kabul after extensive survey of ‘low risk’ cities around the world that ended with Kabul tied with Lahore and Baghdad. The samitis have already started contacting their donors and members to start processing their travel paper-work, growing beards, stitch burquas, and the like. Keeping in mind the taliban’s sensitivity to music, the crowds will have to use personal MP3 players. Each committee will post their music on the net where the devotees can download the playlist.

Of course this ain’t true (not for 2009 at-least)! But the IPL season 2 has definitely moved to South Africa citing similar reasons…

The Other Gandhi…

The obscurity of Varun Gandhi has come to an end. Everybody knows ‘the other Gandhi’ now. As the poster boy of the right-wing, he was ‘forced’ to deliver a hate speech against the Muslims by his political opponents. Or so says his mother Maneka Gandhi. Her reasoning? It is incorrect to file a case against him. However, you would be glad to know that Varun was unrepentant. This didn’t stop the UP government from slapping the NSA on him. As the biggest reality show in India hits the road, you can expect a lot more action…

Held Hostage

I was held hostage at home today from 08:00 to 11:15 by my maid. It was traumatizing to say the least. Ron’s in Mukhteshwar with Baba and Ma and that leaves me home alone for the next few days. So, I have to wait for the maid to do her thing before I leave for work. Praveen Pandit had come over last evening and (correct me if I’m wrong, Pandit) was ready for work for the first time (ever) at 08:00. But then, we were held prisoners by the maid who decided to make an appearance at 11:00. The sweltering Mumbai heat (that’s touching 41 degrees Centigrade or 106 F) didn’t add to the experience. I tried to keep Pandit pacified with a few cups of coffee and then tea, but that din’t seem to cheer him up either. Finally we drove to work at 11:15 blasting heavy metal and that seemed to do the trick.

Well, as you’ve read, it’s been quite eventful, the past couple of months. I've also watched Mithunda's Goonda, and similar poems on celluloid thanks to Ratul. But I plan to pick up a copy of NFS Undercover sometime soon to help things along for the next few days/weeks… Which means that my fingers may be too swollen to type the next post.

So, till next time, be cool guys and keep walking!

The beggar and the queen…

Cartoon by Ayan

It was no surprise actually… Like a couple of queens coming out of the closet, the Pakis and Taliban have officially announced their marriage yesterday. The wedding was paid for by the allies of the war on terror!

About 70% of money that Pak gets as aid in the ‘War on Terror’ is ‘suspiciously spent’. Like to build a house for an army general… What really irks me is the US feigning ignorance of these facts. Have they ever seen a cent of their aid money being spent on fighting extremism? The soldiers who fight the so called ‘War on Terror’ do it with sandals and bolt action rifles! Something else that's is that despite fighting enemies wielding AK56s with inferior gear, the casualties are negligible. (I am not complaining that the Paki soldiers are alive and well – soldiers are probably the only professionals who still do the duty without any grudge.) That should’ve been the first clue that these guys are sitting around in the cold, drinking ‘khaava’ and playing cards. With each other, for all you know!

And the reason for the alliance was equally obnoxious. According to the report in the International Herald Tribune, "About 3,000 Taliban militants have kept 12,000 government troops at bay and terrorized the local population with floggings and the burning of schools." ...And so we decided to forge an alliance. Bullcrap!

We have been crying hoarse about the double game that Mush was playing all the while. And once more yesterday after the happy marriage, the Pakis put in a fresh requestfor a handout! I doubt they will be denied the aid from IMF. But what I fail to understand is how come the issue of misuse of the aid was not figured out earlier? I guess it’s because the west is not familiar with the beggars in the South Asia. And now that they’ve watched a bit of Slumdog Millionaire, they are more in tune with the ‘Paki-aid-trick’.

Let’s look at the parallel - that of a beggar on the street. S/He comes to your car each day, only looking for money. You try and help her/him with food or clothes, s/he isn’t really interested. None of this money ever goes into anything that will benefit them. You give them clothes, the next day, they are there again, half-naked. The money you give in alms is spent on alcohol/narcotics and the rest goes to their bosses.

Similarly, the Pakis are not interested in aid that will benefit the war on terror. They just want money. They then buy their toys and promptly hand over a ‘cut’ to the Al-Qaedas, HUJIs, LeTs and Talibans of the world. The next day, they are back on the streets again. Stinking like a sin. And yet they succeed in raising money...

When will this menace end?

The Fiasco and after…

I am probably the last blogger with his first take on the Satyam fiasco. My reason – it was surreal. And I needed to comprehend what happened, and how. And like I already mentioned, it was hard to believe.

The number 4 IT company in India admitting to financial data manipulation at the highest level despite having one of the ‘Big Four’ as its auditors, is astounding! And that too, someone with just about 3% of the stake in the company doing all this single-handedly? Farfetched. Something like this was possible in the early 20th century. But c’mon guys, this is the 21st century! It’s not as if Raju fudged the attendance records or something – this was a booker prize winning work of fiction.

If his admissions and subsequent reports are to be believed, the entire cash position was cooked up! Year after year. I find it hard to believe that no one else knew about this. I mean c’mon man, are we all to believe that he hired idiots and retards? That the innocent C-level didn’t have a clue about all this for all these years? That a firm like PWC was given the ‘Chinese 5-star factory tour’ and went back all praises? And that for all his efforts, Satyam was awarded the Golden Peacock for corporate governance? Bullcrap!

And disclosures of auditors that say that they attended meetings where the agenda was to cook books. They couldn’t understand what was going on just because the word ‘fudging’ was not used. Hmmm… let me think… get outta here! Either these guys were innocent as angels or they believe we are. And we all know we aren’t!

In my reckoning, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I think it’s just a while before the $hit hits the fan.

Ramalingaraju.com was the second most pathetic work of fiction. I refuse to believe that CEOs and Directors would want to openly declare their solidarity for RR. And that too, in grammar and language that could make the worst of Paki media persons cringe!

That the average Indian does not condone this didn’t come as a surprise to me. Like the protagonist in RGV’s Guru who bribes, cheats, and lies his way to the top, Raju too, is a hero to scores. And like ‘Gurubhai’, Raju also just wanted to do ‘bijnej’. The followers don’t give a fuk if he brings mistrust and disgrace to an industry which is already bearing the brunt of the global recession. All that matters is that they make their money. And that, my friends is the true ‘Indian Dream’!

I was almost admiring the genius of this guy when an interesting observation by Sharma Uncle, Baba’s closest friend made sense, “Yaar iss mei dimaag lagaaney ki koi zaroorat nahi hai. Aisi tuchha-panti toh chotey-motey contractor log barson se kartey aa rahe hain… Mazdoor kam lagao aur zyaada ka paisa mango.” (Translation: This didn’t require brains. This kind of third-class tactics were used by small time contractors from time immemorial… Employ less and show inflated wages.) This was no high-class fraud, this was just cheap and down-market! Sure, the scale was huge… but the scheme was pathetic. I expected better class out of the illustrious Satyam C-level, but what they’ve done wouldn’t even impress a pickpocket. The petty thief from his adjacent cell will own him anyday!

Now I wait for the day that Raju turns a politician. Well, that’s the only place he can find sympathizers. And that’s the ultimate glory that any petty criminal can hope for…

'Enhanced' thinking...

But seriously awesome!

Some extremely weird narcotics are floating around in Pakistan. Researchers are trying hard to determine its origins and compositions, but agree that it is an extremely potent hallucinogen.

The research team got a ‘whiff’ of this after watching a telecast of News1 on TV1, a Paki news channel. Zaid Hamid, a security consultant and strategic defence analyst based in Pakistan appears to be the discoverer/inventor of this wonder.

I stumbled upon this dude while researching the Paki sentiment on the Mumbai attacks. I hit a goldmine! This guy can keep us entertained for ages… He has his own regular program called ‘Brass Tacks’ that discusses a wide array of issues ranging from “US Grand Strategic Objectives” to “Zionist War Against Islam” to “Pakistan Afghan Policy” to “Hindu Zionism” and “Economic Terrorism”… He is hailed as an authority on anything that rolls, sails, or flies!

Read this:
“Zaid Hamid is critical of the present government of Pakistan, declaring it as a 'CIA-sponsored' democracy. He disapproves the concept of democracy in all its totality and claims it as unIslamic. He does not support secular liberal western democracy, nor advocates fascists totalatarian secular dictatorships. His ideology of political power is based on the doctrine of Allama Iqbal, which supports the concept of spiritual democracy or benovelent dictatorship.” I mean, he's the man!

From whatever I’ve seen and heard of him, he does some serious $h!t. I mean, c’mon… this guy is suggesting things like India, alongwith Israel and US planned and executed the attacks in Mumbai. (I don’t know about US and Israel, but I know for sure that the average Indian politician can not be involved in such a scheme. He neither has the intellect nor the b@ll$. And only someone who is into some serious substance abuse can imagine the Indian political system ‘doing’ something!)

You should actually check out his views! The first time I heard it, I was enraged. But then I realized that this could be good entertainment. The guy is hilarious. I would not be surprised if I heard him say that BMC will stop digging forever. Yeah… It’s that unbelievable.

So, all you Hindus, Christians, Liberal Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Whites, African-(country here)s, Browns, Asians, Everyone actually, better watch out! The Zaidster is here and he is higher than ever. And unless you believe in 'benovelent dictatorship' and stuff like that, he's gonna getcha!

And thanks to Manoj, here are some more links: http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=bnITvE4qA4w http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=6Sn-kV9yR6U&feature=related

Tell me what you think...

Not the same old story…

Updated at 14:41 on Friday, Nov 28, '08...

On Wednesday evening, Chandu calls me to check if I’m okay and says that there has been some firing and a couple of blasts. I thank him for his concern and go to bed with “Some more blasts in town honey… Check the alarm, need to leave for work a bit early tomorrow. G’night.”

But yesterday, I realized that India will never be the same. As we saw the new face of terror - highly trained young men, motivated to kill for a perverse cause, held Mumbai to ransom for more than 40 hours…

I visited NDTV.com for some fresh news and what greeted me was, “Every now and again a player appears on the scene who will change the way the game is played.” That was the banner for RBS, but was so apt for the current situation. Comparisons to 9/11 and other similar attacks, to me, are erroneous. These are not suicide bombers itching to meet their maker. These are motivated, trained, and skilled young men who are out to kill by picking out their targets. They endure for hours on end, killing in abandon while the world watches.

I am not too optimistic about the future and this is why:

No support from the political quarter other than the vultures circling for their free bytes. The only message for them was: See, I am concerned, I love my country, I pay homage to the martyrs. If left to me, I would have been drinking their blood by now. Vote for me.

The Government still does not send out a strong message to the perps... Other than the promise to make them “pay a heavy cost”. The standard statement issued be it a pick-pocket or a terrorist. And to add to it, this is what the world has to say!

The armed forces were, obviously, not given a free hand. 16 terrorists can not hold the might of India’s armed forces. Not when the whole of Pakistan couldn’t hold them back for a few days when we kicked their asses all the way to Lahore in ’65 and after surrendering with more than a 100,000 troops in ‘71! No Way!

The Pak government is clueless at best (and conniving at worst). Despite capture of the terrorists, who claimed to be from Hyderabad while speaking in Punjabi accented Urdu – a clear indication of their origins, they still need evidence. The ex-chief if ISI, in condemning the attack, said that it was foolish if the Pak machinery was involved.

Despite a successful ‘dry-run’ of the crisis management plan, the benefit wasn’t evident. I would leave the post-mortem to the ‘experts’ and just say that I feel the need for a better, actionable, crisis management infrastructure.

My fellow countrymen preferred to go and gawk at the spectacle, causing immense inconvenience to the armed forces, rather than go to hospitals and donate blood…

The international community is apathetic at its best. Despite hard evidence, the west is still reluctant to admit Pak involvement. Musharraff jerked them off for sometime claiming to be an ally and no one knows whom the aid money actually funded…

The event received free publicity and there are probably thousands of young men and boys huddled in caves somewhere in Pakistan, wetting themselves with excitement, wishing hard that it was them, fantasizing that the next one will have them… And training for similar operations.

Our guardians fell to bullets despite wearing bullet-proof vests. When will we ever stop buying sub-par gear for the people who are willing to lay their lives down for us?

Paranoia seizes the nation as rumors of fresh firing at various places in Mumbai start spread like wildfire. Somebody’s idea of a joke has gone terribly wrong!

However, despite all this, there is still hope:
Brave men like Hemant Karkare, Ashok Kamte, Vijay Salaskar and their men, who laid their lives down for you and me. As I write, NSG commandos, MarCos, RAF, and other armed services personnel are in a fight to the finish.

We have captured their mother ship, found their boats, and apprehended terrorists in this short span. A tribute to our forces.

Stories of people who’ve shown maturity in the situation, and expressed their gratitude for the people who rescued them, rather than blame the system.

Authorities admitting intelligence failure and promising corrective action. I hope they do something at-least now.

And not the least, in contrast to point 6 above: My countrymen who wave their hands while the cameras pan, shout ‘Vande Mataram’ and ‘Bharat Mata ki Jai’ to cheer up the troops, hold a candle-light vigil for the martyrs, and such rather than be holed inside their homes.

No terrorist, no nation on earth can break the spirit of the people who live in this great country!

TheWalker returns...

Laziness…
Fun Holidays...
Bigger workloads…
Moving households…

Just a few of the things that kept me away from my blog. Prats finally motivates me to write something, and I think what do I write about? So much has happened with and around me… Then I thought I’d do just that – write about what happened :)

Suckfest! Reliance metro starts digging up the road leading to work. Travel time shoots up three-fold! Then this week, BMC (Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation) digs up some space that Reliance had left out. Why should just Reliance have all the fun?

Fantastic... Took a trip to Kerala. With both parents and in-laws, we expected counseling sessions. Well, things turned out pretty well and there are some nice pics to prove it! I’ve already uploaded a video of the famed snake-boat race that the missus shot.

Not bad… Took another trip to Calcutta. Missed Tuntun on this one, though.

Cool… Ron resigns to join me in Mumbai. A good drive from Hyderabad to Mumbai with Ron and Praveen Pandit. I drive all the way, they sleep some of the way. Reached Mumbai safely. Stay with Chandu and Ruby. The latest addition to the sweetest couples we know…

Relief! To get a society NOC in Mumbai is about as easy as Osama getting a H1 visa for US. Numerous visits to police stations, assorted government offices and finally we have a roof over our head. Chandu and Ruby are relieved!

Contemplative… Think of migrating to Somalia, become a pirate, rake in the moolah! Nobody seems to bother them. And I come to know today that the pirate ship they actually bombed turned out to be a deep sea trawler. That helps!

Good. My brother, Sanju, visits us in Mumbai. Diwali was fun. We find out the wrong way that a portion of ‘fruit cream’ at the Haji Ali juice center is for four! Never one to waste food, I polish off the leftovers. Ron doesn’t bother waking me up till the next evening.

Happy… At work, we start roll-out of the most kick-yo-butt program ever! Great client feedback, boss happy, me happy!

Worried. The great economic meltdown. Bankruptcies and bailouts… I wonder if they will bailout my band of pirates if the shipping companies stop plying the Somalian coast…

Angry. The Malegaon ‘Blast Probe’ (Isn’t that an oxymoron? Especially so if you think of probe as a noun) uncovers another far-right-fundamentalists. Don’t we have enough of that already? The future don’t look too good L

Change. Another seemingly impossible feat – Obama is the President elect for US! History in the making as a brotha’ is set to ‘change’ the United States of America.

Destressed! We take a trip to Kashid, a beautiful beach near Mumbai, for a weekend. We lost our way (despite a very confident ‘Follow Me’ from Ranjith) only to find a better route! Have fun with the guys, drink lots of beer, took in some sea, and were back at work.

Troubleshooting… Google talk is blocked by the new firewall at work. Plunges my workplace into productivity! Suddenly the only thing you can do is work… I am not affected (let’s just say that you need to keep your tech guys happy) but Anu is devastated. Sort out the issue for her while Prats rediscovers me and urges me to do something about Anu’s GTalk. We all miss Prats…

I hope to not put y’all through another of these litanies. So, I’ll try and blog regularly (or intermittently at worst). ‘RESTECP’ to all who’ve still found this page! Be good and be safe…