Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Walkerashtra…

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from the last 10 years, it is this: No one messes with a deluded man out to kill himself. At-least in India!

In the not so distant future, to be precise, on January 12, 2028 (providing the world survives 2012, of course), I shall form Walkerashtra, the 87,229,317th state of the Republic on India.

And unlike the politicians of today, I shall gain approval by more persuasive means – eating unto death! Unlike fasting, eating has the additional advantage of flatulence, which has proved to be extremely effective in influencing others to not mess with you.

Walkerashtra will be created on one principle – absolute and unequivocal acceptance of its great leader – TheWalker (a la DPR Korea, the utopian society that my dear friend Max opened my eyes to). In the 120,178 sq.meters of Walkerashtra, there will be 7 statues of mine; and the entire population of 9 humans, 5 dogs, and other insects will sing songs in praise of my blog posts and my future as the unrivaled Godman.

The state animal will be a Labrador Retriever named Elvis ‘Popo’ Presley (in memory of our first dog), the state bird will be the mosquito (a homage to Kerala, my home state), and such. We shall rename every dog as either Tyson or Dopey, all trees will be called coconut trees, and each of the three street crossings will be called Walker Chowk!

My one-man state assembly, will pass a resolution to have ‘Walker’ included in the name of the airport that we share with 2,342 other states 45 miles away, and the railway station, 10 miles away, shared by 87. I too, shall collect state government taxes from all passing vehicles that have to cross about 217 states to travel 5 miles – a week-long road trip.

The central government is a sham by now, since coalitions are formed that get a majority every 7 minutes. I, personally shall be a part of at-least 3,956,317 coalitions, that were in power for a total of 187 hours – a new record, making me a national hero!

And that, my dear friends, will be the beginning to my world-domination plans. Boohaahaahaa…

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Anonymous said...

such madness this is and total chaos, we r approaching dark ages slowly

Manish said...

Looking Forward to the Unites States of India .......... Our Future We are heading towards .......... Thanks to the United Politicians Party of India :P

Ayan Chakraborty said...

The Honorable Chief Minister, alias Governor, alias etc.,

Respected Sir,

I am keen to know about what stance – legal or otherwise – Walkerashtra wishes to take on the issue of smoking weed and similar stuff in public. If you wish, I'm willing to share the outline that my government has chalked out on the issue. My external affairs minister (alias me) will soon get in touch with you in this regard.

Wish you all the best in you new role.

Ayan Chakraborty
(Honorble President of Weedistan)
[Dated: 26th January, 2028]

TheWalker said...

Anu: We are there already!

Manish: United States sounds like an oxymoron if used with India :(

TheWalker said...

Dear President (and what else not),

It is a matter of principle. If it makes me richer, I'm all for it.

Let's discuss this and other random world domination strategies in person.


keya said...

First of all the thoughts are too similar in nature .....and it has given me a push to see myself heading Delhi.....I am looking frwrd to more of this ....Jai Walkerashtra

Sue said...

Hell yeah
If a whacko like KCR can cry and diet himself to a new state so can you Walker... I am thinking by the time your turn comes - you wont have to try that hard.

Jai Telengana!

Anonymous said...

It can be discussed infinitely

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