When the 2007 season began in Melbourne, it looked good for Ferrari. Kimi ‘The Iceman’ Raikkonen won in style and we were introduced to rookie Hamilton who finished on the podium in his maiden GP. Here’s a brief account of the 17 races and how the events unfolded.
Race 1: Kimi, Alonso, Hamiltom. (Kimi leads the standings)
Race 2: Alonso, Hamiltom, Kimi. (Alono leads)
Race 3: Massa, Hamilton, Kimi. (Kimi, Alonso and Hamilton tied)
Race 4: Massa, Hamilton, Alonso. Kimi retires. (Hamilton leads)
Race 5: Alonso, Hamilton, Massa. (Hamilton and Alonso tied)
Race6: Hamilton, Heidfeld, Wurz. (Hamilton leads)
Race 7: Hamilton, Alonso, Massa. (Hamilton leads)
Race 8: Kimi, Massa, Hamilton. (Hamilton leads)
Race 9: Kimi, Alonso, Hamiltom. (Hamilton leads)
Race 10: Alonso, Massa Webber. (Hamilton leads)
There’s a twist now… The ongoing ‘spygate’ scandal between Ferrari and McLaren is underway. Alonso threatens Ron Dennis (McLaren chief) by saying that unless he slows Hamilton down, he (Alonso) will hand over the evidence to FIA. Dennis does not give in and McLaren is found guilty!
The standings are: Hamilton – 80, Alonso – 63, Kimi – 60, Massa – 51
Race 11: Hamilton, Kimi. Heidfeld (Hamilton leads)
Race 12: Massa, Kimi, Alonso (Hamilton leads)
Race 13: Alonso, Hamiltom, Kimi (Hamilton leads)
Alonso and Hamilton are not on talking terms now. Alonso wants to be the No.1 driver in the McLaren team and the team decides on a no favorites policy. The spygate ruling sees Ferrari already crowned constructors champions. Its now down to the last four races…
Race 14: Kimi, Massa, Alonso (Hamilton leads)
Race 15: Hamilton, Kovalinen, Kimi; Alonso retires (Hamilton leads)
Race 16: Kimi, Alonso, Massa; Hamilton retires (Hamilton leads)
The standings are: Hamilton – 107, Alonso – 103, Kimi – 100. The rest are out of the title race. Here’s what each of them had to achieve in order to win the driver’s championship:
Hamilton: Finish 1st, 2nd or 3rd. If 4th, Alonso to finish 2nd or lower…
Alonso: Finish 1st with Hamilton finishing 4th or lower…
Kimi: Finish 1st with Hamilton finishing 7th or lower, Alonso finishing 3rd or lower…
Race 17: Kimi, Massa, Alonso; Hamilton 7th!
No thriller could have been this exciting, no writer could have dreamt of this finish, but the prayers of the Tifosi have borne fruit. Ferrari are the world champions – Constructor and Driver. Boy, oh boy! What an awesome season it turned out to be… Kimi wins his 15th GP and his first World Championship. The Iceman smiles. Jus as we have come to expect of him, he does not get his emotions in the way even for the press conference.
Now, it doesn’t seem very likely that Alonso will stick to McLaren. Renault is only too eager to have him back. Hamilton will remain with McLaren. Kimi and Massa will race with Ferrari again in 2008. Kingfisher now has an F1 team. I can’t wait till next season!
Sources: BBC F1 and Fromula 1 official website.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Where are we headed?
See you guys in hell… or wherever!
I am a part of numerous mailing lists. Some are funny, some loony, and some are outright torturous. And then there are the religious ones… While cleaning up my mailbox, I saw one that sent shivers down my spine… I realized that I was going to hell! Just like most people I know. And going by the mail, I guess that will be where more than 99% of us land L
The mail was about the seven deadly sins, also known as the Capital Vices or the Cardinal Sins. And I don’t know why, but the first thing that came to my mind while reading that was food! Believe it or not, food often evokes feelings in me that are otherwise quite latent. And that is why I will go to hell.
Lust – no other word in the English language can better describe my feelings for food.
Gluttony – it is a common occurrence.
Greed - the thought of food makes me drool!
Sloth – there is nothing I enjoy more than a siesta after lunch.
Wrath – woe betide anyone who keeps me away from my meals!
Envy – I envy most cook show hosts who travel the world just to eat…
Pride – do I pride myself on my appetite?!
I am a foodie. Yes! I love to eat. Rarely does anything match the satisfaction I derive from a tummy full of goodies. Some consider me a glutton, others, a legend. Frankly, I don’t give a damn!
My mom is an excellent cook. And she loves people who appreciate good food. So, it was little surprise to people that I am her favorite child. (Sorry sis, but that’s the truth!) She used to equally dote on all my friends who had this admirable quality. And so do my aunts, my elder sister, mother-in-law, some friends, and of course my wife. My cholesterol levels, BP, other vitals are good and way below borderline risk (Touch-wood)! So, I ain’t going to hell any sooner…
I was told that a hearty appetite is the symptom of a happy mind. A soul without worries or guilt, a heart that loves and is loved. And I believe it, for most people I’ve met with good appetites fall into this category. In most Indian cultures, when a prospective groom declines to eat, he is politely refused any alliance from the household. It’s going to be one hell of a party down there…
And I’m not for a moment saying that all people who cannot eat well are twisted… It’s just that I find it really difficult that people starve themselves to look anemic, anorexic, malnourished, and terminally ill! These losers may go to heaven; I don’t envy them a bit! Blame it on generation gap, but I still prefer people who are healthy – Physically and mentally. After all, only in a healthy body can a healthy mind survive. Oops! Now what kind of people go to heaven now?
I leave that up to you to decide where you want to be headed. Probably I got it all wrong and I might just end up ‘up there’… Like I say, there’s only one way to find out… Wherever I end up, I am reassured to think that I’ll be with like-minded folks. I that reassurance, I Keep Walking…
I am a part of numerous mailing lists. Some are funny, some loony, and some are outright torturous. And then there are the religious ones… While cleaning up my mailbox, I saw one that sent shivers down my spine… I realized that I was going to hell! Just like most people I know. And going by the mail, I guess that will be where more than 99% of us land L
The mail was about the seven deadly sins, also known as the Capital Vices or the Cardinal Sins. And I don’t know why, but the first thing that came to my mind while reading that was food! Believe it or not, food often evokes feelings in me that are otherwise quite latent. And that is why I will go to hell.
Lust – no other word in the English language can better describe my feelings for food.
Gluttony – it is a common occurrence.
Greed - the thought of food makes me drool!
Sloth – there is nothing I enjoy more than a siesta after lunch.
Wrath – woe betide anyone who keeps me away from my meals!
Envy – I envy most cook show hosts who travel the world just to eat…
Pride – do I pride myself on my appetite?!
I am a foodie. Yes! I love to eat. Rarely does anything match the satisfaction I derive from a tummy full of goodies. Some consider me a glutton, others, a legend. Frankly, I don’t give a damn!
My mom is an excellent cook. And she loves people who appreciate good food. So, it was little surprise to people that I am her favorite child. (Sorry sis, but that’s the truth!) She used to equally dote on all my friends who had this admirable quality. And so do my aunts, my elder sister, mother-in-law, some friends, and of course my wife. My cholesterol levels, BP, other vitals are good and way below borderline risk (Touch-wood)! So, I ain’t going to hell any sooner…
I was told that a hearty appetite is the symptom of a happy mind. A soul without worries or guilt, a heart that loves and is loved. And I believe it, for most people I’ve met with good appetites fall into this category. In most Indian cultures, when a prospective groom declines to eat, he is politely refused any alliance from the household. It’s going to be one hell of a party down there…
And I’m not for a moment saying that all people who cannot eat well are twisted… It’s just that I find it really difficult that people starve themselves to look anemic, anorexic, malnourished, and terminally ill! These losers may go to heaven; I don’t envy them a bit! Blame it on generation gap, but I still prefer people who are healthy – Physically and mentally. After all, only in a healthy body can a healthy mind survive. Oops! Now what kind of people go to heaven now?
I leave that up to you to decide where you want to be headed. Probably I got it all wrong and I might just end up ‘up there’… Like I say, there’s only one way to find out… Wherever I end up, I am reassured to think that I’ll be with like-minded folks. I that reassurance, I Keep Walking…
Monday, October 15, 2007
Ads that make you go WTF...
The ‘WTF’ award for advertising excellence.
Advertisements are usually what we always end up watching on TV... So what better category to start these awards with? It has always amazed me that companies that can afford to pay obscene money for the air-time are not willing to pay a fraction of that for something creative? Especially the pan masala ads! Never seen a good one! Even otherwise, there's a huge list of ads that make you go WTF! Oye Bubblyy, Pepsi TV (Pepsi), Fair n Lovely, Harpic, Swagat Baniyan... the list is endless. And, they never stop!
So, we try and rate them here and vote for the worst, the one that offends your senses, sensitivities, sensibilities, sanity, intellect...
Category : Automobiles
(Bikes)
1) Yamaha Alba:
Hot babe sees dude riding a Yam. Sighs deeply (almost climaxing) while thumbing for a lift. Dude doesn’t care and rides on. Hot babe goes on to get the bike tattooed on her back! Thumbs dude again for a lift while turning around. Dude stops and says, “The new Yamaha Alba”. Hot babe retorts, “I’ve got it too”, and turns around. The two ride away…
2) Yamaha Gladiator:
Babe with a gang of boys in a club. Loser dude (the kinda guy who would be perfect for the MLTR crib song, “I’m not an actor, I’m not a star”) is smitten by girl. Takes out a can (mind you – a single can) of paint and does a graffiti of babe’s face on the wall. Babe smiles, kinda bites lower lip… Stud with girl defaces the painting. Loser dude sprays paint on stud’s shirt, grabs babe’s hand, and runs for it. Cut to loser dude and babe locking themselves is a shed of sorts and the gang of boys beating down the door. Loser dude then gets a bright one and proceeds to do another graffiti, this time a bike. Bike comes to life, Loser dude and babe smash wall and ride away!
3) Hero Honda CD Deluxe:
Architect boy gets call letter from an American company. Gets on his ‘deluxe’ to mail his Visa application. Just before mailing it, he asks himself, “America mein aisa kya hai jo India mai nahi hai?’ Realization hits him and he tears the application into pieces, litters, and rides away (now you know why we love it in India!). The catchline goes something like, “India ka naya deluxe bike aur seat pe naya Indian!”
So, cast your votes, on the left of your screen. And vote for the ad that really makes you go WTF! Send in categories and nominations using the comments section!
Advertisements are usually what we always end up watching on TV... So what better category to start these awards with? It has always amazed me that companies that can afford to pay obscene money for the air-time are not willing to pay a fraction of that for something creative? Especially the pan masala ads! Never seen a good one! Even otherwise, there's a huge list of ads that make you go WTF! Oye Bubblyy, Pepsi TV (Pepsi), Fair n Lovely, Harpic, Swagat Baniyan... the list is endless. And, they never stop!
So, we try and rate them here and vote for the worst, the one that offends your senses, sensitivities, sensibilities, sanity, intellect...
Category : Automobiles
(Bikes)
1) Yamaha Alba:
Hot babe sees dude riding a Yam. Sighs deeply (almost climaxing) while thumbing for a lift. Dude doesn’t care and rides on. Hot babe goes on to get the bike tattooed on her back! Thumbs dude again for a lift while turning around. Dude stops and says, “The new Yamaha Alba”. Hot babe retorts, “I’ve got it too”, and turns around. The two ride away…
2) Yamaha Gladiator:
Babe with a gang of boys in a club. Loser dude (the kinda guy who would be perfect for the MLTR crib song, “I’m not an actor, I’m not a star”) is smitten by girl. Takes out a can (mind you – a single can) of paint and does a graffiti of babe’s face on the wall. Babe smiles, kinda bites lower lip… Stud with girl defaces the painting. Loser dude sprays paint on stud’s shirt, grabs babe’s hand, and runs for it. Cut to loser dude and babe locking themselves is a shed of sorts and the gang of boys beating down the door. Loser dude then gets a bright one and proceeds to do another graffiti, this time a bike. Bike comes to life, Loser dude and babe smash wall and ride away!
3) Hero Honda CD Deluxe:
Architect boy gets call letter from an American company. Gets on his ‘deluxe’ to mail his Visa application. Just before mailing it, he asks himself, “America mein aisa kya hai jo India mai nahi hai?’ Realization hits him and he tears the application into pieces, litters, and rides away (now you know why we love it in India!). The catchline goes something like, “India ka naya deluxe bike aur seat pe naya Indian!”
So, cast your votes, on the left of your screen. And vote for the ad that really makes you go WTF! Send in categories and nominations using the comments section!
Announcing The Walker Awards For Excellence
And the award goes to…
Well, here’s a series of Awards being instituted by ‘Keep Walking’. The inspiration comes from the famous Darwin Awards. These awards, “honour people who ensure the long-term survival of the human race by removing themselves from the gene pool in a sublimely idiotic fashion.” Click here for the Wikipedia article.
The modus operandi is pretty simple. I shall nominate up to four (or maybe more) entries, and the winner will be decided by a poll online (not SMS). You may suggest both award categories and nominations in the comments section. The post will be updated to include popular entries and the poll results close in a week. All original entries shall be acknowledged :)
The categories could include anything under the sun as long it is stupid enough. Movies, books, TV Series, websites, politics, celebrities… anything! For, if there’s one constant in the human race, it’s stupidity. And it never ceases to amaze you! Some people go through extreme hardships to prove it, some are natural. But they walk among us, indistinguishable from others until the inevitable…
Well, here’s a series of Awards being instituted by ‘Keep Walking’. The inspiration comes from the famous Darwin Awards. These awards, “honour people who ensure the long-term survival of the human race by removing themselves from the gene pool in a sublimely idiotic fashion.” Click here for the Wikipedia article.
The modus operandi is pretty simple. I shall nominate up to four (or maybe more) entries, and the winner will be decided by a poll online (not SMS). You may suggest both award categories and nominations in the comments section. The post will be updated to include popular entries and the poll results close in a week. All original entries shall be acknowledged :)
The categories could include anything under the sun as long it is stupid enough. Movies, books, TV Series, websites, politics, celebrities… anything! For, if there’s one constant in the human race, it’s stupidity. And it never ceases to amaze you! Some people go through extreme hardships to prove it, some are natural. But they walk among us, indistinguishable from others until the inevitable…
Friday, October 12, 2007
Sad, Misleading Scams…
Who will win? SMS IND or AUS to…
Who will be the next Indian Idol? SMS your choice…
To wish Musharaff on his birthday, SMS your message to…
Who will be the next contestant to be ousted? SMS your option…
Like I care! But it seems that quite a lot of us do… Just look at the number of people who send in their entries for such asinine stuff! All the while, it’s the (media) producers and the mobile operators who laugh all their way to the banks! When will the ‘blue billion’ realize that it is a rip-off?
And what is the guarantee that the SMS polls are actually used to determine the winner. Take the case of Abhijit Sawant. Gimme a break! Do you actually think that millions of Indians wanted this loser to be our ‘Idol’? Preposterous! The only poll that someone like him could hope to win is “Do you want this guy out of your face?” kinds. Let’s face it; we Indians determine winners on the basis of many factors, talent NOT being one of them. Case in point: ALL your talent shows! For a perspective, Indial Idol 3, about 700 million SMSes poured in. And an average premium SMS ranges from Rs 3 to Rs 10… you do the math!
The news channels have adapted this trend too! Apparently, it’s too good a gravy train to miss… And as a rule, if your audience thinks so, it has to be true! Talking about how responsible our media is, take a look at Ravi’s post. We are, however, discussing the oh-so-gullible Indian masses and SMSes here. And all the masala associated with it.
The premium SMS service, as I’ve already said, brings in obscene money for the operators. I don’t believe the operators when they say that the audience does not mind these rates. It’s like Musharraf claiming that Nawaz Sharif wanted a holiday in Saudi! But no matter how expensive, that does not deter bored aunties from voting (and gathering on streets) to show their support. Talking about aunties, I recently came to know that the soaps are also going the SMS way! No, I’m not talking just about the ‘SMS KSKBT to... to set it as your ring tone’ variety (dayum!) but these days, you can SMS options for the storyline… Possibly something like, “What do you want Tulsi to do next?”
A: Stare him down for a further 10 minutes
B: Cry in her trademark ‘constipated or sneezy’ style
C: Give a lecture on morality that would make Osama Bin Laden squirm
D: Cut scene, show someone else cheating on someone else
Send your option A, B, C, or D to….
That is the cue that our aunties wait for, and they get into SMSing frenzy! And the Ekta Kapoors of the world don’t even need ad revenue!
I tried an SMS poll once. Something to do with the World Cup 2007, I believe… Sent in my entry, got a reply to choose another option, and another and another till I gave up! Patience was never one of my virtues. But I fail to understand how people get hooked on to it and send away all their extra money to the ‘deserving’ producers and mobile operators. How selfless! Well, I don’t belong to that category. I just Keep Walking…
P.S.: To join the rally against SMS scams, Type F*** You on your mobile phone and send it to...
Who will be the next Indian Idol? SMS your choice…
To wish Musharaff on his birthday, SMS your message to…
Who will be the next contestant to be ousted? SMS your option…
Like I care! But it seems that quite a lot of us do… Just look at the number of people who send in their entries for such asinine stuff! All the while, it’s the (media) producers and the mobile operators who laugh all their way to the banks! When will the ‘blue billion’ realize that it is a rip-off?
And what is the guarantee that the SMS polls are actually used to determine the winner. Take the case of Abhijit Sawant. Gimme a break! Do you actually think that millions of Indians wanted this loser to be our ‘Idol’? Preposterous! The only poll that someone like him could hope to win is “Do you want this guy out of your face?” kinds. Let’s face it; we Indians determine winners on the basis of many factors, talent NOT being one of them. Case in point: ALL your talent shows! For a perspective, Indial Idol 3, about 700 million SMSes poured in. And an average premium SMS ranges from Rs 3 to Rs 10… you do the math!
The news channels have adapted this trend too! Apparently, it’s too good a gravy train to miss… And as a rule, if your audience thinks so, it has to be true! Talking about how responsible our media is, take a look at Ravi’s post. We are, however, discussing the oh-so-gullible Indian masses and SMSes here. And all the masala associated with it.
The premium SMS service, as I’ve already said, brings in obscene money for the operators. I don’t believe the operators when they say that the audience does not mind these rates. It’s like Musharraf claiming that Nawaz Sharif wanted a holiday in Saudi! But no matter how expensive, that does not deter bored aunties from voting (and gathering on streets) to show their support. Talking about aunties, I recently came to know that the soaps are also going the SMS way! No, I’m not talking just about the ‘SMS KSKBT to... to set it as your ring tone’ variety (dayum!) but these days, you can SMS options for the storyline… Possibly something like, “What do you want Tulsi to do next?”
A: Stare him down for a further 10 minutes
B: Cry in her trademark ‘constipated or sneezy’ style
C: Give a lecture on morality that would make Osama Bin Laden squirm
D: Cut scene, show someone else cheating on someone else
Send your option A, B, C, or D to….
That is the cue that our aunties wait for, and they get into SMSing frenzy! And the Ekta Kapoors of the world don’t even need ad revenue!
I tried an SMS poll once. Something to do with the World Cup 2007, I believe… Sent in my entry, got a reply to choose another option, and another and another till I gave up! Patience was never one of my virtues. But I fail to understand how people get hooked on to it and send away all their extra money to the ‘deserving’ producers and mobile operators. How selfless! Well, I don’t belong to that category. I just Keep Walking…
P.S.: To join the rally against SMS scams, Type F*** You on your mobile phone and send it to...
Thursday, October 11, 2007
National Shame?
It always comes back to this. The Indian cricket team lost today at Baroda... extremely, extremely, shamefully! I was expecting this, to be honest after the T20 hysteria. We are like this only...
However, what got to me early, were the commentators on DD National. They had invited a dumb-looking 'expert' commentator, who was going on and on about how India is sure to make 350 plus on this dream batsman's pitch. He opined that this was the sort of pitch that bowlers had nightmares about (or something like that). I was as usual, running around trying to finish my morning chores and get to work, so the volume was turned up and I could hear him being egged on by two equally insipid hosts who thought he was the cat's whiskers...
After the toss, this dude seemed to be on the seventh heaven and suggested that it was a sign from above! Well, it didn't take him too long to change his views. Within a few minutes (a few wickets later), he went on to say that this is the 'perfect bowler's pitch and that the batsmen were sure to face hell. The equally asinine co-commentator agreed only too enthusiastically! I was getting extremely amused by this chap! Alas, I valued my job more and that overcame my need for 'morbid amusement'.
I later heard that we were bundled out for 148! I thought to myself, hmm... that dude could've been right. The next I heard was that the OZs beat us pants down, with 9 wickets and about 25 more overs to spare! I thought to myself again, hmm... that dude could still have been right. Now that's what I call an opinion for all occasions! Attaboy!! He should've been in politics... Kumaraswamy seems to be the only 'true blue' politician who has the courage to go back on his words and keep the tradition alive... (Post Nayanar, but of course)
Rather than having such morons on air commentating, we should have them in the team. They would at-least (serve as 'nazar-tattoos?' and) help to ward off the evil eye on our team... The least that these types do are to act like a bad omen. Mandira Bedi did that to the Men in Blue during WC 2003. At least have good-looking people for Chrissakes!
But you got to give credit to our boys as well... We shine where there's no light. Our batsmen create perfect bowling wickets, and our bowlers make the ultimate batting wickets out of nowhere!
No wonder, there are some people (like me) who feel quite strongly about it. Hell who wouldn't? Out of about a dozen countries that play the game, can't we still be the best? All our sponsorships in sports are directed there! So, what do people like me do? We 'adapt' or 'internalize' jokes to suit the need of the hour! Here's one:
A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a fan of the Indian cricket team. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are fans of the Indian cricket team. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little boy. (Obviously Chhottu)
The teacher looks at Chhottu with surprise and says, "Chhottu, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a fan of the Indian cricket team," he replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a fan of the Indian cricket team, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a fan of the Australian cricket team, and proud of it," he replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Chhottu, why, pray tell, are you a a fan of the Australian cricket team?"
"Because my mum and my dad are OZ cricket fans, so I'm a fan of the Australian cricket team too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a OZ cricket fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?"
"Then," said Chhottu, "I'd be a fan of the Indian cricket team."
Now, that's a boy who's bound to Keep Walking :)
However, what got to me early, were the commentators on DD National. They had invited a dumb-looking 'expert' commentator, who was going on and on about how India is sure to make 350 plus on this dream batsman's pitch. He opined that this was the sort of pitch that bowlers had nightmares about (or something like that). I was as usual, running around trying to finish my morning chores and get to work, so the volume was turned up and I could hear him being egged on by two equally insipid hosts who thought he was the cat's whiskers...
After the toss, this dude seemed to be on the seventh heaven and suggested that it was a sign from above! Well, it didn't take him too long to change his views. Within a few minutes (a few wickets later), he went on to say that this is the 'perfect bowler's pitch and that the batsmen were sure to face hell. The equally asinine co-commentator agreed only too enthusiastically! I was getting extremely amused by this chap! Alas, I valued my job more and that overcame my need for 'morbid amusement'.
I later heard that we were bundled out for 148! I thought to myself, hmm... that dude could've been right. The next I heard was that the OZs beat us pants down, with 9 wickets and about 25 more overs to spare! I thought to myself again, hmm... that dude could still have been right. Now that's what I call an opinion for all occasions! Attaboy!! He should've been in politics... Kumaraswamy seems to be the only 'true blue' politician who has the courage to go back on his words and keep the tradition alive... (Post Nayanar, but of course)
Rather than having such morons on air commentating, we should have them in the team. They would at-least (serve as 'nazar-tattoos?' and) help to ward off the evil eye on our team... The least that these types do are to act like a bad omen. Mandira Bedi did that to the Men in Blue during WC 2003. At least have good-looking people for Chrissakes!
But you got to give credit to our boys as well... We shine where there's no light. Our batsmen create perfect bowling wickets, and our bowlers make the ultimate batting wickets out of nowhere!
No wonder, there are some people (like me) who feel quite strongly about it. Hell who wouldn't? Out of about a dozen countries that play the game, can't we still be the best? All our sponsorships in sports are directed there! So, what do people like me do? We 'adapt' or 'internalize' jokes to suit the need of the hour! Here's one:
A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a fan of the Indian cricket team. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are fans of the Indian cricket team. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little boy. (Obviously Chhottu)
The teacher looks at Chhottu with surprise and says, "Chhottu, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a fan of the Indian cricket team," he replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a fan of the Indian cricket team, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a fan of the Australian cricket team, and proud of it," he replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Chhottu, why, pray tell, are you a a fan of the Australian cricket team?"
"Because my mum and my dad are OZ cricket fans, so I'm a fan of the Australian cricket team too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a OZ cricket fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?"
"Then," said Chhottu, "I'd be a fan of the Indian cricket team."
Now, that's a boy who's bound to Keep Walking :)
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sorry... gotta rush!
If you’re in the corporate world, you’ll never get enough of them! You hate being in one of them, but you’re always rushing from one to another. What is it about them that always draws people to it like flies to a flame? And why is the corporate world so obsessive-compulsive about it? No one word in the office evokes such a wide plethora of emotions as this one. This post is dedicated to this monument of management. Meetings – The favorite management pastime!
The question, “What is a meeting?” is yet to be answered. Though most of us have been in one, none of us can really explain it. But this enigma continues to thrive in the corporate world. A tougher question yet is, “Why do I have to be a part of a meeting?” and the generally acceptable answer is, “Because my boss is bored” or, “Someone needs to feel important” or even “Damned if I knew! I’ve been attending this since the time I moved in”. I shall try and clarify my understanding and you could also help me out here…
What is a meeting? Hmmm… A meeting is a form of expression. I endeavor to generalize a few validations for an interaction to be counted as a meeting:
It requires more than one person. It would be silly to announce, “I am going to meet me”. If someone actually does that, this will lead to another meeting of his supervisors, peers, and anyone else interested to determine if the company can afford to institutionalize him.
More than one person speaks in a meeting. This is unless some people are allowed to speak at home.
A meeting has a specific agenda. This is a must. But there is no rule that the discussion has to be around it. You may call a meeting about growing attrition and end up with a heated discussion on the geopolitical scenario.
It is time-bound. Again flexible. People may come in about five minutes to the meeting (if its your boss, he’s on time, if it’s you, you have nothing better to do), five minutes into the meeting (again, if its your boss, he’s had something better to do and if it’s you, you need to be more punctual). Some people even rush in about the time things are getting wrapped up. Your level in the organization determines the attitude of the attendees.
You agree to meet again. This is mandatory and is the only rule that is sacrosanct. You have to carry on the flame.
You may have a meeting for many reasons:
Reviews: You made a collective commitment. If you’ve kept it, the review meeting is a happy event. Otherwise, you become the object of collective hostility and ridicule.
Projects: You decide to do something. You make a team with the hope that someone actually will know how to… You get together and fix responsibilities. This is generally followed by a review.
Goal Setting: You are bored. No one knows what is to be done. You call a meeting at an exotic location (preferably a resort), eat, drink make merry. You then come back and decide to hold a ‘project’ meeting for the same participants to achieve the objective.
Budgeting: The simplest! You have money; you meet and decide how to spend it. You don’t have money; you meet to find out who’s spending more.
Pre-Brief: An activity is planned; you meet to decide how to go about it. You lay down the ground rules and hope everyone sticks to it.
De-Brief: After an activity, you chat up to see how it went. Goes well with cocktails.
Appraisals: This is the only meeting you wish you never had to attend! You realize that your boss actually knows more that you do… at-least about what you’ve been asked to do.
Interviews: This process usually follows the appraisal. You need to replace someone that quit following an appraisal.
Exit Interviews: Almost as inevitable as the sunset. What comes in has to go out. An employee decides to leave; you want to know why. Bad decision. Now that s/he is leaving, they would generally speak their mind out about you and your organization, shattering a few beliefs.
Rituals: The most common variety held for about the same reason you celebrate Gandhi Jayanti. It’s been that way and I don’t want to be the one that changes it!
A meeting makes a manager and not the other way round. A manager is incomplete without a meeting. It’s like a smoker craving for a drag. And it requires no specific reason but to satisfy your need to feel important. And even though most people in a meeting can’t tell a pie-chart from their elbow, you keep a grim expression and keep nodding (for whatever reason). And I’m positive that most of you are reading this in between meetings or on your way to them. I know I’ve written this between (ahem… and during) them.
But I have to add that I love them. They amuse me no end. Especially the way some people behave! It’s as if their life force was derived from the amount of entertainment they unwittingly provide us. My work life would be a drag without meetings. I shamelessly admit that. So, in and out of meetings, I Keep Walking!
The question, “What is a meeting?” is yet to be answered. Though most of us have been in one, none of us can really explain it. But this enigma continues to thrive in the corporate world. A tougher question yet is, “Why do I have to be a part of a meeting?” and the generally acceptable answer is, “Because my boss is bored” or, “Someone needs to feel important” or even “Damned if I knew! I’ve been attending this since the time I moved in”. I shall try and clarify my understanding and you could also help me out here…
What is a meeting? Hmmm… A meeting is a form of expression. I endeavor to generalize a few validations for an interaction to be counted as a meeting:
It requires more than one person. It would be silly to announce, “I am going to meet me”. If someone actually does that, this will lead to another meeting of his supervisors, peers, and anyone else interested to determine if the company can afford to institutionalize him.
More than one person speaks in a meeting. This is unless some people are allowed to speak at home.
A meeting has a specific agenda. This is a must. But there is no rule that the discussion has to be around it. You may call a meeting about growing attrition and end up with a heated discussion on the geopolitical scenario.
It is time-bound. Again flexible. People may come in about five minutes to the meeting (if its your boss, he’s on time, if it’s you, you have nothing better to do), five minutes into the meeting (again, if its your boss, he’s had something better to do and if it’s you, you need to be more punctual). Some people even rush in about the time things are getting wrapped up. Your level in the organization determines the attitude of the attendees.
You agree to meet again. This is mandatory and is the only rule that is sacrosanct. You have to carry on the flame.
You may have a meeting for many reasons:
Reviews: You made a collective commitment. If you’ve kept it, the review meeting is a happy event. Otherwise, you become the object of collective hostility and ridicule.
Projects: You decide to do something. You make a team with the hope that someone actually will know how to… You get together and fix responsibilities. This is generally followed by a review.
Goal Setting: You are bored. No one knows what is to be done. You call a meeting at an exotic location (preferably a resort), eat, drink make merry. You then come back and decide to hold a ‘project’ meeting for the same participants to achieve the objective.
Budgeting: The simplest! You have money; you meet and decide how to spend it. You don’t have money; you meet to find out who’s spending more.
Pre-Brief: An activity is planned; you meet to decide how to go about it. You lay down the ground rules and hope everyone sticks to it.
De-Brief: After an activity, you chat up to see how it went. Goes well with cocktails.
Appraisals: This is the only meeting you wish you never had to attend! You realize that your boss actually knows more that you do… at-least about what you’ve been asked to do.
Interviews: This process usually follows the appraisal. You need to replace someone that quit following an appraisal.
Exit Interviews: Almost as inevitable as the sunset. What comes in has to go out. An employee decides to leave; you want to know why. Bad decision. Now that s/he is leaving, they would generally speak their mind out about you and your organization, shattering a few beliefs.
Rituals: The most common variety held for about the same reason you celebrate Gandhi Jayanti. It’s been that way and I don’t want to be the one that changes it!
A meeting makes a manager and not the other way round. A manager is incomplete without a meeting. It’s like a smoker craving for a drag. And it requires no specific reason but to satisfy your need to feel important. And even though most people in a meeting can’t tell a pie-chart from their elbow, you keep a grim expression and keep nodding (for whatever reason). And I’m positive that most of you are reading this in between meetings or on your way to them. I know I’ve written this between (ahem… and during) them.
But I have to add that I love them. They amuse me no end. Especially the way some people behave! It’s as if their life force was derived from the amount of entertainment they unwittingly provide us. My work life would be a drag without meetings. I shamelessly admit that. So, in and out of meetings, I Keep Walking!
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