Thursday, February 28, 2008

Looking for a new God…

Activists in some parts of the country are on the lookout for new Gods that have origins in their region. Our constitution gives us the right to freedom of religion, and the freedom to choose our own Gods to worship. So, why worship a God who is proven to be a ‘North Indian’? Lord Krishna is from Mathura (UP), Lord Rama is from Ayodhya (again UP)… When will the ‘Bhaiyyas’ stop trying to impose their culture on us? When they migrate to other states, why don’t they worship err… Lord… err… umm… See that's the problem (whatever it is).

Lord Shiva, Lord Ganesh, and Goddess Parvati are from Mount Kailash (China)… Oh! These Chinese I tell you… Always looking for ways to belittle India.

Jesus Christ is from Israel! Prophet Mohammed is from the UAE, Lord Buddha is from Nepal. So whom do 'we' turn to? Who will fight for 'our' region?

What we need is local culture to flourish and triumph. And for that we need local Gods. Gods like… ahem… well, we’ll figure that out later. After we figure out what our culture stands for. In the meantime, let’s start beating up all priests and devotees who throng to the temples of these ‘outsider’ Gods and send them back to where 'they' came from.

We shall then focus our efforts to seek a new God who is universal in appeal, but local in origin. A God that epitomizes ‘our’ culture. Using whose name we will create a new order. An order that demands that you can live here only if your ancestors had settled here (1000? Oops… 500? Umm… 100? Well…) X years ago. We shall communicate the value of X at a later date.

In the meantime, if you have suggestions for Gods that belong to ‘Our’ community, please send them across to me. Here’s a list of criteria that should match:
Should be male (that’s our culture)
Should be married (A cool God ought to have a consort...)
Should have delusions of adequacy (I am the best and stuff...)
Should have a plan for a ‘New World Order’ ('Our' world order)
Should be willing to wear a robe (A definite must!)
Should be willing to talk on length about nothing at all (about anything)
Should be able to create controversies (Publicity is important too)
Should have long, luxuriant hair (Image, people... Image)

Wait a sec! That’s got me all over it! Well, except for the last bit, but I can wear a wig or do something about it! So, what say folks? Shri Walkeshwar (for Maharashtra), Sriniwalker (for Andhra), Walkeran (for Kerala)… I’m ready, check me out! Meanwhile, you keep beating up outsiders…

P.S: Please forgive me for the quality of the image... But that's how I look :) And I didn't have time (or the know-how) to use anything other than 'Paint' :(


Rahul said...

Good one Walker...

I think I know what you're looking at... Phuking diplomatic man! And a good perspective....

What can I do to second your candidature?

Sue said...

Lol...."Wannabe Godman" ...I really didn't think you were serious but after this post...hmm...I guess I have to change my mind..

Although I absolutely love your post, I would like to recommend a change in it. I think the 'post' for a new god should be open to women. Now come on, the female body is worshipped all over the world anyway, we can just add a face and a name to it to make it official :)

What say?

Doell said...

I dropped in your blog through Ayan's blog.....and i really liked this post....the satire is too good....keep the good work going....