Indian Putrid League…

Q: What happens when a petty dimwit, who leads a hugely successful franchise, faces off with a suave lobbyist?

A: Crap hits the fan!

Welcome dear friends to a side-act that seems to be dominating India’s richest circus – Indian Premier League. IPL, as it is better known, started as an idea by the Indian cricketing legend Kapil Dev, to hone the cricketing talent of the country. At a time when India’s cricketing board considered T20, the shortest format of the game to be just a fad, Kapil Dev created the Indian Cricket League (ICL) with private sponsors. The event was an instant success for the cricket-hungry nation with international players mentoring upcoming Indian cricketers and enthralling crazed fans.

Enter Lalit Modi, who convinces the BCCI (Indian Cricket Board) that with the Indian team winning the 2007 T20 world cup, the fad is here to stay. For a plan to cash-in on the rush, Lalit Modi revisits the ICL plan, Cntrl+A, Cntrl+X, Cntrl+V. Viola! IPL is born. He then resorts to the cheap tactic of banning all Indian players in the ICL from representing the country. Trivializes Kapil Dev’s efforts and gets the ICC (International Cricketing Council) to discredit the ICL. What happens to ICL? Shift+Del!

What followed were two hugely successful seasons that cashed in on two evergreen passions of the Indian Man – Cricket and White Babes. The IPL wants more and invites bids for two new teams. Team Pune and Team Kochi offer whopping amounts of USD 350M and USD 333M for their teams, and win the bid. The Kochi bid is put together by Rendezvous sports, a bunch of unrelated parties brought together by Dr. Shashi Tharoor, an erudite politician from Trivandrum. Suddenly, something.

What follows is a developing story and the plot, sub-plots, characters, locales, and political affiliations will change. Continuously, randomly.

Act 1. The Kochi franchise’s papers are returned, citing lack of paperwork as the reason. As any Indian will know, the next logical thing is to slip a fiver into the babu’s pocket. The franchise, rather than slipping a fiver in the pocket, spends time, money, and energy in compiling paperwork.

Act 2. Modi tweets about irregularities in the partnership and attacks Shashi Tharoor personally, and insinuating his financial interest in the franchise. He also confesses to having received a call from Tharoor asking him to ‘back off’ from the scrutiny of the Kochi team’s papers.

Act 3. Dr Tharoor tweets ‘I’ve had enough” and issues a press release. He refrains from any personal attacks, but his aides and confidants do not. They publish Modi’s past in the US as a cocaine peddler, kidnapper, and assaulter. (?!)

Act 4. The Kochi team challenges Modi to disclose the ownership patterns of all teams. This supposedly caused a minor tremor in Lahore, where the ‘Bhai’ is living off ISI’s money and hospitality. (Any Indian company is only legitimate if the ‘Bhai’ has a stake in it.) Tharoor receives a threat SMS from the ‘Bhai’ (which will be eventually traced to some wannabe dumfuk) and his security is beefed up.

Act 5. Another disclosure linking Modi to a model and a probable casting pitch(?) scandal raises eyebrows. Modi is asked by the BCCI to stop tweeting and not make further comments (till they receive their share?) until the matter is sorted.

Act 6. BJP demands Tharoor’s resignation. (Again, this is the only logical conclusion for any problem.)

Update: April 18, 2010

Tharoor quits his post as a minister in the external affairs ministry.

Update: April 21, 2010

The BCCI and IPL governing council suggest Modi's exit. The defiant Modi refuses to go down

Disclaimer: My being a Mallu doesn’t necessarily mean that I am a fan of Tharoor by default. I honestly think that he should quit politics, since the political scene is not yet ready for a class act like him. IMO, it is his skill as a lobbyist that put a motley crew together to bid for a team. Moreover, even in the unlikely event that he has a financial stake in the outfit, isn’t it better than having underworld connections and other assorted mafia links? I’m really curious to see how Modi will come out of this…

Scheduled Role Reversal...

I pride myself on being able to watch movies the wrench the hearts out of the heartless without shedding a single tear. I am so emotionally detached watching TV, that I make fun of my wife/mother/sister/friend if they even as much as sigh during an emotional patch…

As a kid, my Mom’s biggest threat used to be that one day, I will become like those I make fun of. I now realize that the day is fast approaching. Again!

In a strange role-reversal of sorts, I used to be the one who used to stare at the TV, teary-eyed and heartbroken, while my wife used to exact her revenge by making fun of my heroes! And I’m afraid, the time is at hand again…

The 2010 sporting season for me begins on March 12 with the IPL. It carries on till the end of November with the football world cup and Formula 1. And I’m going to be an emotional wreck this year!

It will start with IPL3 where my team, the Deccan Chargers hope to defend their title from last year. Year one saw them at the bottom of the table. At that time, there were only TWO DC fans in the whole world – Pratibha and I. While the whole world mocked us, we held our heads high. When IPL2 started, the same non-believers came back to hound us, and to them I now say- “Who’s your daddy NOW?”.

It was easier last year since any position other than the last was an improvement, and even if they came last, we could claim to be consistent. Not so this year… I’m going to stay off fat and protein.

Same with the Azzuri. My favorite team since I started following the world cup in Mexico ’86. The Italians had the X-factor. I was obviously too young to realize that then, I supported them because their flag was the closest to India’s. But my support never wavered and my love for the Azzuri survived the Maradona, and Ronaldo eras. While my friends dreamed about Bollywood, I used to idolize Toto, Baggio, Maldini, Del Piero, Cannavarro, and the likes. Not that I disliked other teams, I would always have a step team to support. But my heart always beat with the Azzuri…

And then, the most painful of my sporting indulgences – Formula 1. My affair with the sport began in 1998, the Mika Hakkinen era. The battles between Mika and Michael Schumacher kept the season interesting. Despite losing the championship that season, I started favoring Ferrari. I was in awe of the scarlet car and everything associated with it, including Schumi.

1999 was disappointing after Michael’s Silverstone accident and thereafter missing five (or was it six) races… But he came back in Malaysia and how! He virtually held up the entire race for Eddie Irvine, who finished first and Ferrari were the champs that year. They went on to dominate the next six years, which honestly were not as exciting with no one to challenge Schumi.

A lot has happened since then, Force India entered F1 in 2008 and took a bite out of my loyalty to Ferrari. Schumi retired, Ferrari became champs again… But this year, things are not so pleasant for me. Schumacher makes a comeback and races for team Mercedes. Alonso and Massa pilot the Ferrari, Karun Chandok becomes the second Indian F1 driver…

Things are not going to be easy this time either…

AWOL for 6 Weeks...

Well, what do I say? The financial year ends keeping most of us on our toes and the rest of us on the sidelines watching the fun. You guessed right about which group I belong to (wink).

The world’s changed quite a bit since Feb 17, ’09 (hint: my last post), and I thought I’d put in my two bits of how it’s affecting me…

Valentines Hang-over

You would’ve guessed it… The generous contributors to the ‘pink chaddi’ campaign who were discreet enough to write down their personal address and numbers on the couriers expecting a sari, are now flooded with obscene calls from the outfit’s workers. I’m not surprised at all! Moreover Muthalik plans to sue all contributors to the campaign for defamation. His logic: It is ‘perverted’. Hmmm… I wonder what could be more perverted than beating up hapless young women… I know: wearing chaddis! According to Ravi, a passionate fan of Muthalik, underwear is not a part of Indian culture. Now that makes us all ‘Christian Westerners’ don’t it? (Please see comment under: HELL WITH THE FREE CULTURE PROTOGANISTS.... HELL WITH PUB CULTURE by Ravi on 23 Feb 2009 on the second link)

Shift Focus

The Maharashtra government is planning to shift this year’s Ganesh Pooja celebrations to Kabul. This was keeping in mind the inability to provide adequate security for the event. The authorities decided on Kabul after extensive survey of ‘low risk’ cities around the world that ended with Kabul tied with Lahore and Baghdad. The samitis have already started contacting their donors and members to start processing their travel paper-work, growing beards, stitch burquas, and the like. Keeping in mind the taliban’s sensitivity to music, the crowds will have to use personal MP3 players. Each committee will post their music on the net where the devotees can download the playlist.

Of course this ain’t true (not for 2009 at-least)! But the IPL season 2 has definitely moved to South Africa citing similar reasons…

The Other Gandhi…

The obscurity of Varun Gandhi has come to an end. Everybody knows ‘the other Gandhi’ now. As the poster boy of the right-wing, he was ‘forced’ to deliver a hate speech against the Muslims by his political opponents. Or so says his mother Maneka Gandhi. Her reasoning? It is incorrect to file a case against him. However, you would be glad to know that Varun was unrepentant. This didn’t stop the UP government from slapping the NSA on him. As the biggest reality show in India hits the road, you can expect a lot more action…

Held Hostage

I was held hostage at home today from 08:00 to 11:15 by my maid. It was traumatizing to say the least. Ron’s in Mukhteshwar with Baba and Ma and that leaves me home alone for the next few days. So, I have to wait for the maid to do her thing before I leave for work. Praveen Pandit had come over last evening and (correct me if I’m wrong, Pandit) was ready for work for the first time (ever) at 08:00. But then, we were held prisoners by the maid who decided to make an appearance at 11:00. The sweltering Mumbai heat (that’s touching 41 degrees Centigrade or 106 F) didn’t add to the experience. I tried to keep Pandit pacified with a few cups of coffee and then tea, but that din’t seem to cheer him up either. Finally we drove to work at 11:15 blasting heavy metal and that seemed to do the trick.

Well, as you’ve read, it’s been quite eventful, the past couple of months. I've also watched Mithunda's Goonda, and similar poems on celluloid thanks to Ratul. But I plan to pick up a copy of NFS Undercover sometime soon to help things along for the next few days/weeks… Which means that my fingers may be too swollen to type the next post.

So, till next time, be cool guys and keep walking!

The IPL saga...

Down and out? Faaar from it!

Well, if you’ve written off the Deccan Chargers, think again? Does your team really have a confirmed berth in the Semis? Think again! We shall decide who will get to the semis. So, you want your team through? Don’t piss the Chargers off!

They say that the most dangerous man is the one who has nothing to lose. So watch out for the Deccan Chargers. In a few days, we shall be at the bottom of the points table. In true corporate style, Dr Mallaya is flogging the dead horse to get up and win. And he has managed it with some of his companies. Even in Sports, the Force India team is performing much better than what was expected. I am positive that they will land among the points this season.

Now back to IPL. I’ve heard some rumors about these matches being fixed. Pratibha sent me this link that strengthens this theory. After all, why would SRK spend money to distribute 20,000 KKR style helmets in Mumbai for the final? Prats also believes that the final will be between KKR and Mumbai Indians. Food for thought, huh?

The exit of the Australian stars, the return of Tendulkar and Shoaib, Shoaib taking 4 wickets in his maiden match, all this sounds kinda scripted to me. This, in addition to the highly unprobable event of Gilly, Afridi, Gibbs, Rohit Sharma, Styris, Venu all not performing in the same match. And also the fact that Asif sits out when he’s not bowling!

Before you rubbish my claims, compare the script elements to any Ekta Kapoor type soaps:
Family drama (Brother Vs Brother): David Vs Mike Hussey, Irfan Vs Yousuf Pathan
The patriarch: SRK/Mallaya/Ambani
The matriarch: Preity Zinta
Sex: The Cheerleaders (not in my opinion, though)
Sissy boys: The cheerboys… (yuck)
The taunts and stare downs: Sledging and more…
Return from dead: Shoaib, Tendulkar
The Slap!: Bhajji and Sree Santh
Tears: Sree Santh

I can keep going on…

Being a Deccan Chargers fan, I will try my best to fuel the rumor. I would also go on to suggest that the Jaipur blasts were planned and executed by IPL so that team Jaipur can exit without match-fixing allegations. If the intelligence wings of our law enforcement need any indication of the next blast, they need to think of a successful team without a tycoon or star backing…

Enough said for today.

Deccan Chargers Wallpapers

I still keep asking myself, "How on Earth could this get so wrong?". What we have here is a team that has:


Two of the top three run getters (Sharma 296 and Gilly 308)
The batsman with the maximum sixes (Gilly 16)
Two out of five top individual scores (Symonds 117 and Gilly 109)
The highest partnership (Gily & VVS 155 not out)
and the no. two wicket taker (RP Singh 12)

And DC would have been scraping the bedrock if it wasn't for Royal Challengers' old age institution. But you know what? I still am a fan.

But when??

Thank God for Gilly!

Sixes galore with both bat and ball!



Too silent, too long :(

Somebody say the magic words and release them from the spell!

All images owned by IPL and Deccan Chargers (http://www.deccanchargers.com/)

The Cheering goes on....

I happened to chat with Pratibha on the Cheerleader issue. Prats is herself a great writer. Read her blog here.

Unlike me, she's a woman and she's Marathi. But like me, she's a true blue Hyderabadi.

I decided to post this interview 'uncut and uncensored' to bring out the Hyderabad chemistry in two friends who could easily be mistaken for siblings (apart from looks that is...)

Pratibha: Kab lere interview?
Me: Abhich?
Pratibha: Chalo… Chicha… Ishtart
Me: Sure: Do you think that there should be a ban on cheerleaders?
Pratibha: :
Pratibha: Deccan Chargers ke t-shirt ka kya hua?
Me: Kochhana answer kartey?
Pratibha: Karte bhai… pehle mere answer karte?
Me: Baingan mei mil gaya.... 1 mahina lagta kathey 'official merchandise' ku
Pratibha: Maaki… Kaun leta tab
Me: Mai next week jaarooo, kuchh settinga kartooo
Pratibha: Dekh muft main mila to leke aa :P chal pooch
Me: On record now....
Pratibha: Ok
Me: Do you think that there should be a ban on cheerleaders?
Pratibha: Ye chindi questions nakko… kuch aur hai to poocho nahi to Khuda haafiz
Me: Yeh padho ji… http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtvcricket/ipl/news_story.aspx?ID=SPOEN20080047797&Keyword=news
Pratibha: Phir time piliss… Padhna padta nai
Me: Padhke bolo mereku
(long gap)
Pratibha: Please shoot. I will love this
Me: For the third time... Do you think that there should be a ban on cheerleaders?
Pratibha: No. Never. Nahi. Kabhi nahi.
Me: Could you explain your vehement stand?
Pratibha: 1. They are better than the Dhakkan, errrr I mean Deccan Chargers. At least they stay on the field the entire time. Actually this is a boring interview… Can you ask me other questions?
You've interview’d Anu and Sujata already :(
Me: ahem... I hope you realize that this interview is about the cheerleading issue and its effect on Indian men...
Pratibha: What do I care what effect it has on men! You think if you ban cheerleaders, men still won't get their share of eye candy?
Nahi to kal ko bolte porn sites bhi Indian girls ka ich dekhna… And khaas kar ke mumbai main only the unemplyed bar girls will have their own porn site!
Me: hmmm... Interesting perspective.
In your opinion, is there a path the Govt should tread to diffuse this aituation?
Pratibha: I would certainly not want to see lavani being performed at the stadium when a boundary or a six is hit.
Better still bharatnatyam for Chennai Kings , Robindra Shongeet for the Kinight Riders and so on. Full on Indian Feeling !
The Govt is actually bored of having nothing to do now… And there is no situation… Give it two days, you will also see these ministers sitting in the stands, watching the cheerleaders more than the matches
IMHO, I think the ministers are pissed off because the Mumbai Indians have not won a match as yet
Next question please
Me: Talking about the Mumbai Indians not having won yet, what is your opinion about Deccan Chargers?
Pratibha: For my opinion, please visit the LiveJournal entry http://Pratibha75.livejournal.com/151505.html
Me: Dum nakko karo ji.. ek 'Gist' de do please. Izzat ka sawaal hai.
Pratibha: :P
Dhakkan errr I mean Deccan Chargers need to drop Laxman out of the team if they want to win. Just being from Hyderabad does not qualify one to captain the team.
And the team has just disappointed a Hyderabadi (read me).. To be the only one supporting the team in midst of the Marathi manoos is a task
I gave them 3 chances
I might just have to shift the loyalty to Rajasthan Royals if this continues
But on second thoughts, I won't. Once a Hyderabadi, always a Hyderabadi.
Me: Respect!
Pratibha: Next kochhun poochte, ki khatam ho gaya?
Me: Hai ji...
Pratibha: Poocho phir chichi… Ramzan ka wait karre?
Me: So, what do you suggest as a strategy that DC needs to adopt to win the remaining 11 (or at-least 1) matches? This is other than throwing VVSL out...
(another pause)

Pratibha: Bowl first? Then they will know how many runs they need to make. It might just work…
This is well dependant on whether they win or lose the toss.
Hmmm in that case, I think Laxman anna should be out
Me: Okay... final question: How many matches, in your opinion will DC win? (11 left)
Pratibha: I'll be glad if they win one at least!
And to think I was sure that they would be one of the semi-finalists!
Pratibha: that was the sarcastic me, but being a true blue Hyderabadi, there is a tiny hope that they will win all the 11 and go to the semi-finals!
Me: Respect! I knew you would say that! People would call US hopeless romantics, but well... Hyderabad is Hyderabad!
Thanks for your time. I appreciate it.
Pratibha: Welcome.

In case you are unable to understand some of the slang, we could answer it for you in the comments section :)

In Good Cheer...

Cartoon by Ayan


I was depressed this morning, but thank God I stay in India… You can never be short on amusement. I am referring to this article about the ongoing controversy regarding cheerleaders in the IPL.

Like always, I had my own opinions. Then I thought, why not include you – My readers. And It was not difficult as there are just a few of you. I tried using G-Talk for the interview. The first guest was, but of-course, Anupama Datye – the worldly wise, with an opinion on just about nothing and everything.

TheWalker: Good Afternoon Mrs Datye, and welcome to the first interview of “Keep Walking”. It is indeed a great pleasure to have you as the first guest to…
Anupama Datye: Get on with it!
Me: err.. My bad. Do you think that there should be a ban on cheerleaders? (I am not asking if cheerleading is necessary.)
Anu: These matches are just for entertainment, no one is losing in the bargain. They add glamour to the game, so let them be.
Me: Don't you feel that this shows women in poor light and "increases voyeuristic tendencies in men" as claimed by some of our politicians?
Anu: Men will be men! They could get turned on by women in bhurkha… Other politicians don't seem to have any problems... only these guys sitting Mumbai, I think they have nothing better to do in life. They will be the 1st to ogle :(
The sena is making news for all the wrong reasons.
Me: But in your opinion, do you think it is 'perverted'?
Anu: Perverted is when a man lecherously looks at women twice his age or half his age that is bad
Me: Does that mean that you will not stop your 4-year old from watching the matches?
Anu: Rubbish! What does he understand? I don’t think that there is anything scandalous happening here. And btw cheerleading is a tradition - every girl worth her penny will want to be a cheerleader (watch "bring it on")
Me: Any parting thoughts? (I better end this fast... unless I want her to come over and smack me on the head)
Anu: I don't think cheerleading that is the problem it is the mental attitude of no good politicians that needs to be changed. They cover up things like that models (Jessica Lall) murder because their sons do it (probably because they were themselves deprived by their perverted parents) and likes of Shivani Bhatnager suffers a horrible death
Me: Thanks for being a part of this interview. I appreciate your time.
Anu: LOL

Well, folks, that was Anu. The next interview was with Sujata Chakraborty, my first cube-mate at workplace. Su’s a great writer herself and she calls a spade a spade. This was going to be interesting.

TheWalker: I was about to ping you
Sujata: Tell… wassup?
Me: I need your interview for my next post on "Cheerleaders"
Sujata: ?
Me: For my blog re
Sujata: Oh ok… ask and I’ll tell
Me: Do you think that there should be a ban on cheerleaders?
Sujata: Of course not. no bans. Cheerleaders are fun. But they should be local.
Like, in Bombay matches, they should be Marathi Manoos.
In Cal, they shouold be the bong beauties
In Kerala, the Mallu babes
In Delhi, the Punjabi kudis should take over
Me: But don't you think that it will 'do harm to the morality of the already deprived Indian men and cause irrepairable damage to our society' as our politicians claim?
Sujata: The answer to you question is in it. The 'already deprived' and 'irreparable' cannot be redeemed methinks. So, let's all enjoy. And u never know. It might actually be some balm for those souls. IMHO, most of the crime in India is caused by repressed libido and unsatisfied sexual appetites. ;)
Me: Hmm... Have you read the news in Mumbai Mirror (April 25, '08) about the man who tried to commit suicide because it was the 'wrong time' for his wife on his 'suhaag-raat'? How much longer do you think before the politicians blame that he could take it no more because of the IPL Cheerleaders?
Sujata: Oh I didn't read that. But that's hilarious! Mumbai mirror rocks.
Read this: http://www.telegraphindia.com/1070809/asp/opinion/story_8167967.asp
Me: Yeah. That piece of news in the Mirror was hilarious... written in all seriousness by the usual horde of Pulitzer prize-winning Mumbai Mirror journos...
Sujata: I generally like Mumbai mirror. Keeps the crap out and does a good job of covering the city. Very tabloid.
Me: okay back to the topic on hand... Do you foresee a solution to all this?
Sujata: I don’t see it as a problem. What’s porn in England is art in France.

That summed up Su’s opinion. Crisp and to the point as always.

What will follow in the next few posts will be your opinions. I have a few lined up:
Ayan Chakraborty – My favorite cartoonist
Pratibha Pal – My friend in grief when it comes to Hyderabad and Deccan Chargers
Jayeeta Das – Legally speaking

I would love to have some of my favorite bloggers and writers to find some time for me. Like Sue of the sushi bar, Morpheus of Morpheus’ dreams, Ajeeth - My only fan, Chandu – writer of the blog I can’t access… Hyacie, Shantanu… now, that’s a list

This exercise seems to be working. I don’t need Valium anymore. But I do need a job :)

Hyderabad Blues…

Deccan Chargers have disappointed again… They threw away another match in the last over. Now, they are at the bottom of the table after losing all their three matches…

I must admit here that I am not much of a cricket fan. I still feel that it’s a pseudo team game that relies on weird rules and only individual merit. That that’s another debate I would like to avoid, especially today. I think I’m getting into depression!

I have always been a huge fan of Hyderabad. The people there are warm, friendly and welcoming. They are a bit too relaxed, but that I can bear with. I met my wife there; we got married there, and now even buying a home there. I have never felt so much at home in any other part of the country or the world. So, even though I belong from Kerala, studied in Ooty (TN), worked in Delhi and Mumbai, married to a Bengali, I am a Deccan Chargers fan.

Even before the team was announced, I knew that I will always support Hyderabad. And when the team was announced, I was elated! The charging bull, the understated uniforms... Then I looked up the stars of the squad and knew that we had a winner. C’mon, look at the line-up:
Adam Gilchrist – IMHO, the best cricketer in the world,
Shahid Afridi – A top class hitter,
Andrew Symonds – Aggression personified,
Herschelle Gibbs – Reinvented top order batting for South Africa,
Chaminda Vaas – No body invokes more fear in batsmen,
Scott Styris – THE pinch-hitter,
R P Singh – A hugely talented bowler,
VVS Laxman – well…

So, I expected nothing less than dominance from this team. And, I reluctantly became a cricket fan (much to my horror – my dad could disown me if he ever found out!).

As I was chatting with a couple of friends downstairs, I just realized that I could turn suicidal if Hyderabad ever has a Soccer or F1 team… That seems a very distant possibility. For now, I think my longevity is safe. For now, I could use some Valium.

Whatever said, one thing is for sure – Even if they lose all their matches, I’ll be a Deccan Chargers fan. Forever!

All links and images courtesy the official Deccan Chargers site.