The Imprudent Generation…

Thinking – such a waste of time! This has become the catch-word that Hero Honda banked on to revive the fortunes of the new CBZ – the CBZ Xtreme.

Kajol: Yeh sochne-wochne ka kaam mujhse nahi hota. Shukar hai is ghar mei koi toh intelligent hai!

Ajay: Thank you Jaanu.

Kajol: Mai tumhari nahi, humaare Whirlpool (AC or Fridge… I forget which) ki baat kar rahi hoon.

Loose translation – K: Can’t seem to get myself to think. Thankfully, there’s someone intelligent at home

A: Thanks babes.

K: Not you. I’m talking about the (random) Whirlpool (thingie) This is the latest advertisement for (random) Whirlpool product-line.

The new and disturbing trend in the ad industry – Moronizing the consumer.

I was a kid when advertisements were more focused on educating the customers (Dabur, Nirma, Melodie, etc.). Then the advertisements moved on to entertaining the customer. It used to be difficult, but I could still see some connect. I was even okay when it was just the old-school ‘demeaning the consumer’ trend. “You there… yeah you, the fugly dark babe/dude… improve your self-esteem with this fairness product” type of advertisements. Or, the “hey assface, get laid with this deo” kind of placement worked too…

But admitting that no carbon-based life form in your household has an IQ more than a random appliance is below the belt. Though the actors definitely look the part and obviously have no qualms admitting the fact, I take offence. As a Homo Sapien, that is. It is strangely, but surely comforting that you command the brown/white appliances at home. After a hard day’s work there is nothing more comforting than coming back home and relaxing, assured in the knowledge that your gadgets, fixtures, and appliances will obey your every command. They cool your room, chill your drink, heat your meal, play your music and all that.

I’d hate to be one of the people who can’t do that. Is that why they dispense all the pent-up aggression at work? Because their IQ is lower than an inanimate household item?

Ancient, Orthodox, Walker...

I sometimes wonder if I belong to a different time and age… And it’s not just my creaking bones that make me wonder that. There are a lot of things around me that continue to reinforce my belief. Let’s take fashion, for instance…

I identify with a school of thought where women look like women and men look like men. Flip through any fashion channel or magazine now, and all you will find is women with the structure of underfed pre-teen boys and men, like they’ve just been let off a concentration camp. And they both look like they’ve lost the will to live. Seriously! Is that what passes off as sex appeal these days?

And why would any legally sane person EVER want to be a size zero? What does that mean anyways? To the best of my reasoning, it could mean the size of the wearer’s brain! Why would anyone actually pay money to look anorexic? And what kind of demented folks prefer such people? Or has mutation given the new generation some kind of convex vision? Or worse – has age given me concave vision?

Whatever be the reason, there goes my dreams of becoming a supermodel! Not that it will, in anyway, come in the way of my world-domination ambitions by becoming a God-man, but still… We all like a little fan following, don’t we?

But there are still a few things that, in my mind are divided by gender. I hope this table illustrates two categories of what (most people in) my generation identify with the sexes…

Category	Item/s	Gender
Cosmetics	All cosmetics	Feminine
	After shave, Cologne, Vaseline, Talcum powder	Masculine
	Lipstick, Foundation, Rouge…	NOT Masculine
Clothing	Skirts, blouses, tank-tops, things, saris, capris, hot pants, gowns, dresses…	Feminine (Actually women look good in anything)
	Pants, shirts, tees, jeans, kurtas	Masculine (refer above too)

Men should realize that UNLIKE women, they WILL look funny wearing anything out of the above table (let’s keep regional preferences like dhotis, loincloths, etc. out of this). And that there is a fine line that divides the metrosexuals from the effeminate. I am not homophobic, but the trend of men doing their eyebrows and stuff unsettles me… And so do men or women with a lack of personal hygiene… I hope I’m making sense to you, because sometimes, I can’t understand myself. Especially in such cases. I try and simplify it to myself by saying that a Man should look like a Man and a Woman should look like a Woman.

And yes, what started this was the sight of a guy in a car, doing make-up in the morning traffic of Mumbai. Honestly, I failed to decide then – which was more pathetic.

New and improved...

Another Monday, another week. But this week, I feel I’ve become a smarter man. Or should I say, "New and Improved"? I was at home from Friday evening till Monday morning, playing Need For Speed with a vengeance. I must confess here that I have a need to be constantly amused and/or entertained. So, the telly is on to help me tide over the times where the races load or when the police bust me :(

And, the only thing you end up watching on the telly are the advertisements. I have written posts on how dumb these could be, even had a category called ‘WTF award for advertising excellence’. I feel guilty now. I realized that in their own way, these ads teach us so much about the world around us, and life in general. Don’t believe me? Check this small list I complied over the weekend:

‘Jab baal ho jaaye dry, toh dikhtey hain rookhey-sookhey.’ Literal meaning: When hair becomes dry, it looks dull and dry. Wow! Did you know that? Thanks to Parachute for that gem…

Eat Gold and Silver to increase vigor and intelligence! That is because scientists discovered that the kings of India were smart and healthy because they ate in Gold and Silver plates. And when ShahRukh Khan tells you that, you better listen! This is courtesy Himani.

‘You don’t have to be perfect when you look smart in Duke.’ I shall remember that always. Somehow, is a very weird way, it’s comforting. This wisdom was discovered by (the) Duke of ‘Ludhiana – The fashion hub of Punjab’ (Quoted from their website).

‘Brand nahi toh style nahi’ meaning, no brand, no style. Damn! Now that means that I’ll have to wear logo tees and stuff. Or, probably stitch the tags on someplace more conspicuous on my clothing. This tip thanks to Zeiss – the ‘branded spectacle lens manufacturer’.

‘Daag achhey hain’ which means, stains are good. My mom better read this and apologize! I’d brought home so many good things and all she ever gave me in return were immobilizing stares and scolding. Why wasn’t Surf invented then?

‘Thinking is such a waste of time’, this from the Hero Honda CBZ Extreme ad. I can totally relate to this having stayed in Gurgaon for two (excruciating) months. The ad guys were probably impressed by the people around the plant (in Gurgaon), they waste no time at all. Ever!

Well, these are just a few of the things I’ve learnt and can immediately recollect. In addition to this, you also get to know a lot of other ways in which people live in the world around us. Like:

Pet crocs addicted to candy (Alpenliebe)
Choco-wafers that make you chase dogs (new Perk)
Sodas that offer levitation (Fanta)
Deos that bring hot, long dead mummies to life (Axe)
Mobile phones that may be used as weapons (Moto Razr 2)
Holidays that get you laid (White Mischief)
Solution to power-cuts (Happydent)
Mints to make you smarter (Minto Fresh)

The list is endless… So, the next time you are watching your favorite program on TV, don’t switch channels during the commercial breaks. You never know what you’ll be missing! So guys, keep watching and Keep Walking :)